Sunday Intentions

Weekend Reflections…for all of September

I came here today to write about the last two weeks and realized it’s actually been THREE weeks since my last Weekend Reflections post. Yikes. September has been a rough one, guys. Probably the hardest month yet in this whole pandemic living mess. Life has been HARD. It hasn’t been easy to motivate myself to do much of anything and writing some sort of reflective and positive recap of the weeks is definitely at the bottom of my list. But I want to remember these days, the good and the bad.

I think virtual school – REAL virtual school, not like what was scrapped together in spring – may be the the thing that takes our whole family down. And let me be clear, I’m not blaming the teachers or the school or the classes. It’s my kids. They are fighting tooth and nail to make this whole experience as miserable as possible for all four of us. And while it can be infuriating spending literally hours a day arguing about doing certain assignments, it’s also incredibly sad watching their spirits deflate and lose the remaining hope of normalcy they had.

Caden is doing okay. Every day gets a little easier with him as he realizes he really does have to spend a full class period working on certain subjects. He wants everything to be easy and throws a fit when it’s not. He was also assigned an elective that he did not sign up for and it’s the class he gets the most work in and he HATES it. If he didn’t have that class then we might just be smooth sailing with him.

Then Shepard. Oh Shepard, my most stubborn of the stubbornest of children. Let’s just say learning virtually with the expectation of doing most of your work independently is not a model that works for him. He needs a teacher to keep him on task. He needs classmates and friends to connect with and blow off steam with. Instead he’s stuck in his room with often eight, nine, ten, even eleven hours of school work a day, that he has to keep track of and complete on his own. Greg has to micromanage every single thing that he does and he still can barely finish everything he’s supposed to each day because he just digs his heels in and flat out refuses. He also abhors being on video, and you need to be on video calls or record yourself doing certain things a whole lot in virtual school. It’s been so, so hard with him. And every day seems to get worse instead of better.

Greg wanted to be the one to take on most of the school stuff with them. He kept insisting on it. But it didn’t take very long to realize he can’t sustain that level of interaction if he still wants to do his own job. It’s honestly a miracle he gets any of his work done with how often he has to stop and help either of them. I TRY to get involved, but I’m usually out of the loop to begin with and by the time I try to offer my assistance they’re all too angry to explain to me what’s going on. They’re also all on the second floor of the house and I’m on the first floor doing my work, or cooking or cleaning, so I’m never the parent they’ll come to because it’s too inconvenient. But short of sitting in the hallway just waiting for an opportunity to help, I don’t know how to change anything. And doing that would be a HUGE waste of my time and so many other things would go undone that it would cause a whole new set of problems.

So. I’m not really sure where to go from here. But entering every single week day like it’s a battle has really taken its toll on all of us. It’s destroying us, to be honest. I can’t imagine going an entire school year like this. I can’t imagine another month of this. But what other choice do we have? Yeah, we COULD decide to send them to school. There are very few kids in our district that chose this all virtual model. But Wisconsin covid cases are skyrocketing right now. We have the second highest number of cases in the country at the moment. It feels too risky to send them to school after all the preventative measures we’ve taken the last six months. Plus Caden would still be home three days a week anyway (Shepard one). So instead we just power on. And pray it gets easier.

In happier news, I was able to go on my first solo vacation of the year! I had a couple planned in spring that I had to cancel and just figured I’d never get to do it again. Which was extremely disappointing since it’s basically my all time favorite thing. No offense to Greg or my kids, but my kind of vacationing is very different from theirs and we realized a few years ago it really just works better for everyone if I go on my own. Plus it’s the perfect chance to recharge. Those opportunities have been few and far between this year. I actually scheduled a post-birthday trip first, but after how September started off (worst week of our lives??) Greg urged me to take another trip sooner. He didn’t have to tell me twice! I immediately searched around and found a perfect place to stay in Port Washington a few days later.

I left as soon as I could that first day and stopped at Kettle Moraine Pike Lake Unit State Park for a short hike. Then I grabbed a snack and coffee and headed up to my airbnb in Port Washington where I was able to check in really early. Next I walked around Lion’s Den Nature Preserve. It was a really beautiful spot, but it was SO crowded. This was on a Sunday, and the weather was beautiful – the first really nice day after a week of rain, so it made sense that people were flocking to great outdoor places. I managed to never get other people in my photos, but it was kind of a stressful situation. The water and the clouds looked so pretty that day, though!

On Monday morning I was up and out the door by 5:50am and didn’t come back to the airbnb until late afternoon. The weather was just so perfect that I didn’t want to lose a minute of outdoor adventuring. I was hoping to see two amazing sunrises on the beaches, but my trip coincided with some of the worst air quality conditions that came over from the west coast and the sky was just a flat gray the majority of the trip. Kind of a disappointment, but at least the weather itself was really nice. Plus it was nice walking around the lakeside Port Washington parks so early in the morning.

I had plans to stop at a bakery for breakfast, but missed the memo that they were only open on weekends now. So I picked up a coffee and then headed to my next destination – Harrington Beach State Park. I walked the beach trail and enjoyed watching the seagulls play in the waves.

The real treasure, though, was walking around Quarry Lake. I LOVED it here. It’s an old quarry that filled up with water and then they created a nice easy trail with plenty of places to rest around the entire lake. It was so serene and beautiful. I only encountered about two other people the entire time I was at this park. I’m sure it’s filled up in summer, but for a September Monday morning it was perfect for me.

I definitely ended up doing a lot more driving around on this trip than I ever anticipated. I barely spent any time at my airbnb, which was my only regret. But I was actually having a really hard time finding meals. I definitely wasn’t going to eat IN any restaurants, I didn’t want fast food, and I only wanted to pick up food from a place I could order online from. The late lunch I got on Sunday made me feel pretty crappy and I wanted to try a lot harder to only eat the foods that feel safe (as in, nothing fried). And there just weren’t the right kinds of options nearby. Mexican is what I always seek out because it’s my favorite and it never makes me feel sick, so I eventually did some shopping and landed at a fun taco place much closer to Milwaukee. I brought it to Doctors Park and ate in a quiet field and then hiked down to the beach. It was a really beautiful park too!

I went back to my airbnb in the afternoon for a late nap and then headed out again to check out some other Port Washington parks, but managed to get back to the apartment around 7 so I could enjoy a couple of hours of relaxing before bed. The night before I wasn’t back until after 9 and then I spent an hour trying to better plan out Monday so I wouldn’t waste so much time searching around on my phone. No matter how much research I do ahead of time for a trip (A LOT), it never seems to be enough.

On Tuesday morning I headed out before six again, still hoping for a nice sunrise. The sky was slightly more colorful and when the sun finally rose it was a bright neon pink behind the haze. I grabbed another coffee – a harvest (apple and butterscotch) dalgona coffee – which was so tasty!

My airbnb was so pretty, I really wish I had spent more time there. I loved all the beautiful places I went – nature really soothes my soul. But a third night would have been nice to allow a little more time for resting. I was SO exhausted by Tuesday. Not really how I wanted to feel heading back into reality! When I got home I actually changed my October trip by adding a third night so I hopefully won’t have this problem again. I need a better mix of adventure and rest!

After I left the airbnb I went back to Quarry Lake for another walk. Then I checked out a couple of gifty stores in West Bend and ended the trip grocery shopping so I wouldn’t have to go out again that week. Overall, it was such an amazing getaway and exactly what I needed. Obviously taking vacations by myself every month is not exactly affordable or always feasible, but I’m really thankful I had this one and another in two weeks. They really boost me up for getting through the harder days.

Nothing terribly exciting happened the rest of that week, until Caden’s birthday party on Saturday. I was pretty stressed out about how we could give him a party while also trying to stay relatively low risk, but I think we pulled it off nicely. It was VERY low key, but that’s the perfect kind of party for Caden. We set up the food in the garage, arranged tables on the driveway that were all distanced from each other and could only seat the people that lived with each other. The two sets of grandparents and my brother were the only guests.

We had tacos for dinner and ice cream for dessert. Easy!

The puppies also came! And Caden got all of the computer and techy gadgets that he asked for. Pretty much the perfect birthday celebration for him!

This last Monday was the day it took Shepard 11 hours to complete his schoolwork. It was a really hard day and he was so defeated. So we took a break after dinner and ran to a $1 pumpkin patch out in the middle of nowhere. The mosquitoes were awful so we didn’t stay long, but we got five big pumpkins to decorate the porch. It was a good break for both of us.

Caden’s 12th birthday was on Wednesday. It was a late start (even though everyone does virtual on Wednesdays) so the workload was a little bit lighter that day. Caden got his games back after a three week hiatus, so he played a few hours in the morning and for most of the evening. He opened up his presents first thing, we had his birthday cake at lunch, and for dinner I grilled him a bunch of meat. He’ll eat pretty much anything, but doesn’t really have any real favorites (other than tacos, but we’d been eating them for days at that point), so I just made a big variety. He loved it! He kept thanking me and telling me it was the best meal ever. Overall it was a really nice day.

This weekend has been really busy! On Friday night I had another Pen Pals zoom show, which was a lot of fun. I think they’re planning on having shows once a month until they can start performing in live venues again, so it’s something special to look forward to just for me. I’m also participating in a readathon with my favorite facebook book club this weekend. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had a ton of time to read, but it’s still fun to feel part of something special with other like minded people!

I placed my first Saturday farmers market pick up yesterday when I realized I won’t be able to go the next two Wednesdays and I’m missing out on so much great produce! I spent half as much money as my last huge order (no baked goods lol), but still ended up with a massive amount of food. I need to figure out how to use all of it this week. It’s a challenge I haven’t felt up to starting quite yet.

And then we celebrated Cindy’s birthday! I made my second berry topped flourless chocolate birthday cake of the week and we hung out on their deck for the afternoon. It was very nice!

And that brings me to today! There are so many things I could have done today. But I’m trying to build in more downtime so I stop feeling like I’m losing my mind with stress and anxiety all the time. I’ve never been a big fan of weekends, but this month I’ve joined the masses with looking forward to these two days all week long. Any day we don’t have to deal with school and work is a win now. Normally I do MY work during every spare moment I have (often around 4am and 7pm these days). But I’d like to try and take weekends off as well. There are plenty of other ways to spend Saturdays and Sundays.

This morning Greg and I took Annie to a beautiful county park to hike around a bit before the rain came. It was really nice! As hard as these days are, I’m really finding a deeper appreciation for little things. A great cup of coffee, fall flavored baked goods, a perfect scented candle, every ounce of seasonal outdoor joy. Fall has always been my favorite, but I don’t want to miss a moment of the beautiful colors and weather this year. It’s probably what is going to need to sustain me through our long cold winters!

The week ahead is pretty quiet, thank goodness. This has been such a busy month. We do have some appointments midweek, but for the most part it should be a slower couple of days. I’m hoping to get a lot of work done and maybe make some sort of breakthrough on how to make virtual school easier. Maybe??

Have a good week, everyone! It’s almost October! (The BEST month. :))

Weekend Reflections 09.06.2020

This last week has been one of the most stressful and overwhelming weeks of my life. But I’m sick of dwelling on it, so I’m not going to dive too deeply into everything that happened. It’s just been really, really hard. And if this week is any indicator of how every week of virtual school is going to go… I’m not sure how I’m going to survive this school year. It was quite a wake up call to realize just how much we were letting screens babysit our kids over the summer. Take that away and expect them to suddenly be organized and studious and excited about learning? Yeah, not going to happen. I feel like I can’t even complain since Greg was the one working with them literally all day every day because they supposedly needed that much help (or they were just taking advantage of his willingness…). But the chaos and restless down time between new assignments and the arguing about getting back on task and the hours long fighting with Shepard about reading the book he got from his teacher. It was SO MUCH. Too much. Too much on my already very fragile mental state going into fall and deep in mourning about the life I no longer have. I’ve never been a fan of weekends, but I have a feeling that’s going to change this year. It’s probably going to be the only time I can get anything done.

After a truly terrible Monday morning, Shepard and I went to my mom’s to play with the puppies for awhile. We needed a distraction from the worry about the first day. We also picked up some Wendy’s for lunch. Seeing this picture reminds me Shepard has now eaten Wendy’s three times this week. Good parenting…

We spent last weekend getting their rooms in shape so they can hopefully have a clean space to do their schoolwork every day. Shepard’s room is already a huge mess a few days later. Cleaning is not his strong suit! Caden ended up constantly roaming the house with his laptop, never staying in the same spot for more than 20-30 minutes. I had this very wrong expectation that they’d be quietly working in their rooms all day, Greg would be working in his “office” in the laundry room all day, and I’d actually have hours to myself on the main level to sew and cook and keep everything running smoothly. News flash, life is NOT going to be that easy for me. Every single time I even tried to listen to my music or a podcast, Caden suddenly appeared in the room with me watching a class video, so I had to shut my stuff down. It really didn’t help anything on my end.

Shepard was actually really excited on Tuesday morning and very cooperative with our annual first day photo shoot.

I got this one very nice picture of all three of them. Annie, looking so stoic!

One fun thing is that the boys decided to have a porch picnic with a different friend each day. It’s convenient that two of their best friends are also doing virtual school and live within a block of us. And their other friend is Caden’s age so she’s home three days a week. I’m not sure if this is something they’ll do every day, but it was REALLY great just seeing them laugh and talk and hang out with friends. After six months of almost no friend interaction? They need it. I really do hope it becomes a regular thing.

Wednesday turned out to be a really busy day for me, but it was great to have a reason to escape the house for a few hours. I had my first pandemic haircut. It took me a long time to work up to that level of comfort, but I reached the point where I was using such a ridiculous amount of leave in conditioner every day just to get a comb through my wet hair that I couldn’t stand it anymore. Unfortunately, the whole thing was a pretty terrible experience. The stylists were not wearing masks (despite the statewide mandate), she spent the whole time talking about how she refuses to make her kid wear a mask, and I feel like she purposely did a really terrible job cutting my hair to kind of get back at me for wearing one. I’ve been to this girl probably five times and I always love how it turns out. This time was terrible. Fortunately it’s long enough I can still put it up, but I left very frustrated.

Afterward I had a lot of errands and pick ups. I stopped at Pick n Save first because soda was on sale and I’ve been trying to find Cherry Coke Zero for Greg. It’s the only soda he likes and there is apparently a shortage of aluminum and artificial sweetener right now, so Coke is not currently producing it! Then I stopped in at Trader Joe’s as a treat. I love it there, it’s just so far away and inconvenient. Then I had a massive farmers market pick up! I went a bit overboard, but I did have plans ahead of time on how to use everything I bought so nothing would go to waste. I had a little extra time before my next scheduled pick up so I stopped in at TJMaxx and found a fun fall candle and then ordered a coffee in the drive thru of a new coffee shop. I had a Woodman’s pick up order next and this is when my day went downhill (besides the haircut!). They lost my order and made a big deal about me being there to get it when I never had a confirmation email that it was ready – even though I was there during my scheduled time. It took them so long to figure out that the order was just never put together that I was late for my final pick up at Mod Pizza. Greg told me to just come home with the pizza and he went back to get the groceries later. And half of the things I ordered were “out of stock” – probably because they were rushing to get it done. (Like 2% milk. Are you really telling me that nowhere in the gigantic dairy section of Woodman’s did they have any brand of 2% milk??) I wish I had just gone in myself to get everything, but I try to avoid grocery stores in the afternoons when they’re so much busier.

The pizza was a nice treat. And just not having to make a meal in general. We haven’t had Mod since Aprilish when we made our very first grocery pick up order at HyVee (also a disaster!). Caden even got a cheese-less pizza and really liked it. I spent the rest of Wednesday night cleaning and cutting produce.

On Thursday I finally finished setting up my fall drinking area. I love it so much! It really makes me happy to have that little corner of seasonal drinks to return to again and again throughout the day.

The boys ended up going to Grandma’s on Thursday night. Considering I was on my fifth or sixth day in a row of total emotional breakdown, I was SO thankful to get them out of the house for a few hours and spend some one on one time with Greg. That rarely happens these days. I made a tasty dinner, we went on a bike ride, and then we both spent some time doing our own things – very rare for him these days too. Caden ended up sleeping over.

Friday during the day was more of the same. But I was excited to spend my evening in the cemetery again, reading and walking. Unfortunately through a series of missed communications, Shepard ended up getting left home alone, so soon after I got there I had to go back to pick him up to join me. Not the peaceful night I was looking for, but it was actually really nice to have one on one time with him and discuss a whole lot of topics related to death (lol). If I could bring Annie into the cemetery, I’d walk there all the time. I love the peaceful silence of it. But alas, I am a rule follower above all else and dogs are not allowed!

Yesterday I had never been so happy to see a Saturday! But I knew it would still be a long day (Caden lost screens for three weeks), so we went to my mom’s again for a few hours to play with the pups. Then in the evening the guys went to have dinner with the grandparents, so I had a little time to myself.

I was also supposed to have all day today to myself, but the rainy weather changed everyone’s plans. I know it wasn’t anybody’s fault, but I realized the only thing getting me through this last week was knowing I’d have today. And then I didn’t have it anymore. I was pretty upset all morning, but Greg took the hint and still left the house with them for a few hours. I wish it could have been more, but it did give me enough time to finally lower my stress levels. And Shepard ended up staying at Grandma’s for a sleepover, so it’s been a pretty low key afternoon with just one kid around.

I really wanted to start being super on top of meals this week. It turned out to be the last thing in the world I felt like doing every afternoon, but I got through it! I made waffles and bacon (not pictured) for the last day of summer, Korean tacos for the first day of school, enchiladas, blts, pimento tomato bacon sandwiches, a skillet cookie, roasted salsa, stir fry and chicken brown rice, grilled chicken shawarma, two kinds of watermelons I chopped up, and a big cheese plate to end the week.

I got a new phone on Tuesday. Which turned out to be a very exciting surprise because it takes AMAZING sunrise photos! I take pictures every single morning that I bike, but rarely post them because they look so disappointing in the photo. Not anymore! The day I caught this one…Thursday, I think, was incredible. I saw that it looked like a good one so I biked as fast as I could to this countryside road to capture it before the colors weakened. I’m really excited about my new photo possibilities!

And that was the week. I guess despite “not dwelling on it,” this was still a pretty negative recap of the week. I know it was just the beginning and things are sure to be tricky as we all navigate this new way of doing school. It’s not even school itself that is my issue. It’s how difficult the boys were being about it. I hope they’ll acclimate to these new expectations and it’ll be easier on all of us. I’d really like to get back to work. I’d really like to not feel on edge and waiting for the next argument or disaster every minute of the day. I am not cut out for living in constant conflict. I just have to keep hoping it’ll get better. And find better ways to manage my stress in the meantime.

Weekend Reflections 08.30.2020

We made it through the last week of summer! It was even a much more exciting week than usual because we went ON VACATION. I had a lot of complicated feelings this week, as I always do with the end of summer break. More so this year because our fall isn’t going to be anything like it usually is and I’m mourning that loss more than anything else that has changed in the last six months. But now that we’re two days away from school starting I’m a little more optimistic that we WILL survive this, no matter how hard it turns out to be.

To celebrate the end of summer and really just give everyone a much needed change of scenery, we rented an airbnb near Richland Center. It’s in the driftless area of Wisconsin which shockingly, I’m pretty sure I’ve never been to before and it’s only about an hour and a half away. Maybe I went as a kid, but I don’t remember it. There aren’t many bigger cities in that direction, but the landscape is absolutely gorgeous. I loved our drive there on the curvy backroads. Taking car trips further than Madison or Beaver Dam feels like such a rare treat these days!

The first night we arrived after our normal dinnertime, so it was a bit chaotic trying to get everything unloaded and organized while I threw together a meal. I took a video in our first walk through of the house, but didn’t get a chance to take any photos before our stuff took over the place. It was SO beautiful, though. This was our first airbnb experience and it probably spoiled us for all others! Most of the house was on the main floor, but there was a loft area with a bunch of beds the boys could pick from. We thought Annie would sleep up there too, but she was scared of the slotted staircase. She seemed to move around a lot in the night, but spent most of them on the floor by our bed. She can’t usually go in our bedrooms at night, so it was a treat for her too.

After dinner we explored the 40 acres of land the airbnb was on. We didn’t actually end up walking around it as much as we anticipated because most of it was a huge valley. My ankle doesn’t do well on uneven ground and it was also crazy hot this week (at least MUCH hotter than all the other days this month). But Shepard went down to the trees at the bottom and then walked back up to the top on the side of the hay fields. There were a couple of small barns and sheds up on the property as well. It would have been an amazing place for Annie to run around (the reason dogs are encouraged to stay at this airbnb!), but we still don’t trust her off a leash. It was a little annoying to constantly be hanging on to her leash, but I’m really glad she was able to come with us.

Watching the sunrise has been one of my favorite things this summer, so I was really looking forward to watching it over the hills. Unfortunately, it rained the first night and was very cloudy the second night, so neither of the first two sunrises were that beautiful or exciting (the third morning was much prettier). BUT it was really awesome being able to just be outside and walk around in my pajamas – and silence – not worrying about anybody seeing me. That’s one thing I really, really wish we had at our house. Some sort of outdoor space with actual privacy.

You guys don’t even want to know how many photos of the sunrise I took for the two hours I was outside each morning watching it (lol). Shepard was with me for most of the time too trying to catch his own sunrise photos.

My main regret about this trip was that it turned out to be so hot. Which was obviously out of my control. But after such a beautiful August it was really disappointing to deal with the overwhelming heat when we wanted to be out exploring the area every day. It would have been nice to have lazy mornings and go out later in the day, but we needed to get out of the house as early as possible if we wanted to do anything. On Tuesday morning we found a really neat hiking trail at a county party and then we stopped at a bunch of parks with bridges in Richland Center. We attempted to walk a more scenic trail too, but it was a pretty bizarre place and we couldn’t figure out where to actually walk. It was also in the thick of the woods going up pretty steep hills. We gave up on that one. The boys were great for a few hours, but got pretty crabby by lunch time. We picked up some food from a takeout restaurant, ate in the car in a parking lot, and then went back to the house to relax the rest of the afternoon.

There were a lot of fun places to lounge around in the house! Both of these chairs were in the “porch.”

On the second night I made tacos for dinner. The owners stopped by to tell us some more about the property and they gave the boys a ride in their new vehicle across the fields. They also dropped off a big plastic sheet to use as a slip n slide by the barn. After they left we ran back into town to the same place we had lunch to get some ice cream. Then we made a fire, though it was so hot nobody except Greg lasted very long. The house also had a huge bathtub, so I enjoyed a bath that night.

The second morning’s sunrise was pretty uneventful until the sun actually came up and it was such a cool neon pink color. Of course that didn’t translate in my photo, but it was really pretty to see in person. Shepard was fascinated by it.

I didn’t take many photos because it was just so hot, but we went to the Kickapoo Valley Nature Reserve on Wednesday morning to hike a few trails. We kept trying to walk toward a river and dam, but we never ended up finding it. Shepard and I gave up on one of the trails because the uneven and wet grass pathways were really getting to my ankle and Shepard just couldn’t handle being in the heat any longer. We were closer to Viroqua by then so we stopped at a grocery store that sells a lot of local foods and I went in to quickly explore and pick up some local cheese, meat, cookies, crackers, and coffee. Then we found another county park to have a picnic lunch at before heading back to the house.

After a quiet afternoon we set up the slip n slide and the boys tried it out for a few minutes. It wasn’t really that long, but it was nice to see them having fun with something outside. Then we ordered Chinese takeout and went to eat it at another park. It was so good!

On our last night we watched a movie together and then went out for some dusk yard games (for the boys) and photo shooting (for me).

I finally got a really pretty pre-sunrise on Thursday morning. The sky was so pink! Annie and I both sat down to watch it for a really long time.

Our last morning was more relaxed since we weren’t rushing to head to another park. I walked around a lot more outside taking pictures and then got everything gathered and tidied up.

It definitely wasn’t a perfect vacation – those don’t really exist when you have kids. But overall, it went better than I had expected. The super high temperatures really sucked. The internet wasn’t that great and caused a lot of extra tension with the boys and their devices. But it was still awesome just to get away from home and realize we really can have exciting moments and stay safe in the midst of this never ending pandemic lifestyle. I’m glad we took the boys with us on this trip, but being in even closer quarters made me really, really wish I could go on a trip by myself. Maybe even back here! I loved it so much there and would definitely go back again.

We took a little side trip on the way home to ride the Merrimac Ferry. It’s just a couple minutes across the water, but a fun experience! Annie was a little concerned about what was going on, but Shepard enjoyed standing with half his body out of the sun roof watching as we crossed. It was a nice ending to the trip!

Friday was back to reality. I still couldn’t get back to biking because it was storming, then I had to get groceries, and then we had to pick up virtual learning supplies from school. I was pretty stressed out because we’d been bombarded with new school information all week and I finally had a chance to sit down and go through it all. I’m definitely worried about how it’s all going to work out – especially since it seems like Shepard might be working more independently and Caden will be livestreaming his teachers in the classroom all day. Their learning styles would probably benefit better with the opposite teaching methods. They also might end up having very mismatched schedules and workloads, which is going to cause a lot of problems between the two of them (and therefore all of us). I hope it turns out pretty evenly, but it’s definitely too early to guess.

The highlight of my Friday, though, was sitting down by myself (Greg even took the boys out of the house for awhile) with popcorn, tea, and a candle to watch a live Pen Pals podcast show. There was a different podcast show I was looking forward to watching earlier in the week too, but it didn’t work out with the poor internet connection at the airbnb. So I was extra excited about this one and it turned out to be SO enjoyable. It was great to have that special thing to look forward to, even though I didn’t have to leave the house for it. It was a fitting treat at the end of a pretty rough emotional day.

I spent about three hours on Saturday morning cleaning Shepard’s room. I’ve been harping on the boys all month about getting their rooms cleaned so they can work better in a tidy environment. Of course nobody actually listened to me. I knew I’d finally have to give in this weekend and just do it myself. Greg and Shepard did help after awhile and we got it cleaned up. Now to keep it that way! Greg and Caden worked on his room this morning, but it wasn’t as bad. I intended on helping, but I’m just so tired of cleaning up messes that aren’t mine that I bowed out. To write this. 🙂

It wasn’t a terribly exciting week for food. I was going for the easiest meals I could think of on vacation just to make my life easier. But at home before and after I made four mini pizzas to use up random ingredients, jalapeno popper grilled chicken, Caribbean jerk grilled chicken, four different types of grilled meats and potatoes, my favorite migas tacos, a tiny brie from the shopping trip, gluten free banana muffins, and guacamole.

The garden really exploded this week. I picked a bunch of tomatoes and peppers on Sunday and made a couple batches of salsa before we left. Then I picked a lot more when we got home to make pickled jalapenos, guacamole, and I strung up some Thai peppers in my sewing room to try and dry them out to make chili paste in a few weeks. Hopefully that plan works because my little Thai chili plant has been by far the most prolific plant in my garden (besides the grape tomatoes – NOT my favorite) and I’m not really sure what to do with them other than add them to curries and stir fries. This morning I found my first mini pumpkin and accidentally picked it. Shepard and I planted SO many pumpkin plants. Only three or four of them actually grew, but I hope we’ll still have lots of mini ones pumpkins decorations in a few weeks!

No biking pictures this week! Greg took my bike to the shop last Saturday and then went to pick up my mom’s to borrow until it was done. I biked on it Sunday and Monday and then we packed it up to bring on the trip, but I never ended up using it. We really didn’t understand just how hilly and twisty the roads were going to be! I didn’t feel physically fit enough or safe enough to try it out. Plus it was just too hot. I was anxious to ride again by Friday, but then it was storming! And then my bike was done in the shop, six days earlier than they expected. So I really enjoyed getting back on it this weekend and look forward to many more beautiful morning bike rides before winter comes.

Because I was attempting to force myself to be on a true vacation this week, I haven’t done any sewing! But I did finally get out my embroidery supplies after years of not using them and made myself this rainbow. I finished a second one on Friday night. I have one more I’d like to complete before I get back to my dolls. I’m kind of antsy to get back to work, but I know as soon as I have them started I’m not going to be as openly ready to deal with any school related problems that might arise this week. So I’m trying to put it off a few more days. I’m not so sure I’ll make it!

I think that’s about it for this past week! I’m nervous about the week ahead, but I think I’m ready to tackle the challenge. At least more ready than I was a few days ago. I’m also really excited to get my fall decorations out and start enjoying my favorite season! I’ve been mentally pushing it off because fall means winter is close behind, but after how hot it was this week I am MORE than ready for the cool and crisp days ahead!

Weekend Reflections 07.26.2020

Another week behind us in this weird pandemic existence. It’s been such a stressful week as we try to make a decision on what to do about school in the fall. Weighing the pros and cons of going full virtual versus a split week for Caden and a four day in person week for Shepard has been really overwhelming. Every time I feel confident in our decision somebody throws out another perspective I hadn’t considered and then I doubt our choice all over again. (Or it’s validated!) We haven’t turned in our final decision yet – we have until Friday – but I’m about 95% sure we’re going the all virtual route. I’m not happy about it. It’s going to be HARD. But it’s the only way I can guarantee my children will be as safe as possible. And other kids and teachers and our family as well. I wish I knew what all virtual will actually mean in terms of a time and workload commitment, but I guess we’ll find out in five weeks! I really hope a vaccine will come out soon and we won’t have to do this for an entire school year. My brain can’t even handle thinking about that possibility right now. Being home, all of us, all the time…it’s rough.

We visited the puppies on Monday! I liked how both of them immediately climbed into my lap and settled in. In reality, owning a dog that wanted to be held all the time would drive me absolutely insane. But it’s pretty sweet to visit them and have them cuddle up!

I had a farmers market pick up scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. My first in about a month. Instead of doing a grocery pick up as well I decided to go in a couple of stores, but it ended up being incredibly stressful. I normally only go in stores in the early mornings – in pandemic life AND in regular life. So I wasn’t prepared for how busy it was going to be. Then I had to make an extra stop because Caden was out of sunflower seeds and he can’t survive a week without them (he kept texting me “MY LIFE IS OVER!!!!). Then I had a very low tire and had to learn how to refill it for the first time. By then I was pressed for time on my Trader Joe’s run, which was supposed to be an extra special treat. And then I barely made it to the market on time. I was so upset that the one thing in the week I was really looking forward to turned into such a stressful disaster. I really miss when shopping was fun.

The boys have been fighting so much this week. They always fight a lot – because they refuse to EVER be apart from each other. But it’s seemed even worse than usual this week. I suggested a small field trip to the dam on Thursday after dinner. I somehow keep thinking a change of scenery will do us all some good, but it often makes their moods even worse. Caden calmed down, but was uninterested in the adventure aspect of the trip. Shepard enjoyed walking through the river until a giant spider landed on his hand and then he was traumatized. But Greg, Annie and I still thought it was fun to get out of the house and do something different for a little bit!

On Friday Greg surprised me by asking his parents to babysit for a few hours so we could have our second pandemic date night. We ordered Chili’s and went to a park to eat and walk around. I just picked the park on a whim from google maps and it turned out to be such a beautiful surprise! I’m definitely looking forward to walking around there again soon.

I didn’t take any pictures, but on Saturday morning my friend invited me over to walk around some trails near her house. I probably scared her a bit with how enthusiastically I jumped on that opportunity! It was really great to see a friend in person – it’s been almost two months since my last outdoor friend visit. And it was fun to walk around in another new and beautiful place too! Annie came with me and loved the adventure.

This morning I took the boys back to my parents’ again for another puppy visit. Six days was a long time between visits! They were both pretty sleepy today and much more interested in sleeping on the ground instead of us. But it was cute to watch them!

I biked all seven days this week for a total of 45 miles! I’m still loving it! There are certainly a few mornings here and there where I’m dragging my feet a bit more just because I’m not used to getting up early and immediately leaving the house. I much prefer getting up early and enjoying some peace and quiet at home before everyone else wakes up. But these bike rides are totally worth it. I love the days I’m out early enough to catch the pre-sunrise, but I get so frustrated at how poorly my phone captures the beauty! I’m pretty tempted to bring along my real camera, but haven’t done it yet. I bought a mirror so I’d feel more comfortable on the busier streets (though let’s be honest, “busy” in a very small town at 5am usually means I see three cars at most), but I can’t figure out how to secure it properly so it actually stays up. I also bought some bike cleaner and lube to try and learn how to take better care of it, but haven’t gotten around to learning about proper bike care yet either. The only downside of biking is that even though I’m in an upright pedal position, I’m still apparently tensing my neck and back quite a lot. I’ve been having daily headaches from it and today is one of the worst I’ve ever had. I still think it’s a worthwhile trade off, but I wish it didn’t happen at all.

I haven’t done quite as much sewing this week, but still managed to finish nine more dolls. I’ve been binging the show Manifest while I watch and I’m really into it!

I didn’t put a ton of effort into food this week. It’s just one of those things that I really care about or it’s the neverending responsibility that breaks me. There is rarely an in between!

We had a big batch of hamburgers, hot dogs, green beans, and pretzel buns on Monday night. Greg really likes the burgers from Butcher Box. This is the first time I tried their hot dogs and I didn’t like them at all. But I’m pretty picky about what kind of hot dogs I like and these didn’t fit the criteria. But now I know!

I used my new little espresso maker and try and replicate the salted caramel iced latte I always get at my favorite coffee shop. It was pretty close! I have determined that making full espresso drinks is actually a lot of work (lol), so I only have one every few days. I don’t even drink regular coffee every day, but I like to have the option!

I needed to use up some farm eggs I had bought on a whim before they expired, so I tried out this magic custard pie recipe one night. It was really good! I don’t normally make non-chocolate desserts, so it was fun to have something really different.

We ordered pizza and a calzone on Wednesday night. I love those calzones SO MUCH. They’re just amazing.

After my stressful shopping adventure I decided to try out an improvised cocktail using my new fancy maraschino cherries and liqueur. I don’t usually drink at all because I’m not so fond of alcohol and it’s not great for my liver problems! But I wanted to give it a shot. And….still not my thing (lol). But the cherries taste AMAZING on ice cream.

I used my farmers market produce and a couple things from the garden to make some fresh pico de gallo. I’ve been eating a lot of the tomatoes mixed with cut up string cheese, pepperoni, olive oil, salt flakes and fresh pepper. So good! And I used the zucchini to try a new brownie recipe, but was disappointed it ended up just tasting like chocolate cake. I’m not a chocolate cake fan.

Looking ahead, I can’t believe it’s already the last week of July. Normally I’d be thrilled that summer is officially 2/3 over, but I’m trying to really soak up these outdoor opportunities while I can this year. Now that we’ve decided to keep the boys home for virtual learning, I’m really dreading winter and those long cold months of truly feeling trapped. I need to make the most of these days while I can.

It feels like another busy week, with appointments or something on the calendar every day. Most of those will only be an hour or less of my time, but it still feels like a lot. Especially with how headachy and stressed out I’ve been lately. I’d love some truly lazy days, but I don’t think they’re going to happen.

My biggest goal this week is to get more on top of having pre-prepared snacks and meals around the house. We continue to have breakfast arguments every single dang day, though my struggles are usually with Shepard because he’s just not happy with whatever we have on hand or whatever the school gave him and he loves to make sure I know just how enraged he feels about it. Caden’s pretty much given up, he just won’t eat anything and I don’t even really care anymore. But like every struggle we have, I get sad or upset about it and then I pull myself together and figure out a way to do better. And as frustrating as this whole neverending food debacle is, the food making is still my responsibility so I need to try harder.

Have a great week, everyone!

Weekend Reflections 01.11.2020

This has been a weird week. On one hand, it’s been AWESOME having everyone go back to school and work, letting me have the daily quiet and space I desperately need to be a functional person. And some of these days have been great! I’ve started getting more sleep at night, maybe because I’ve been getting a better grip on my overall stress levels. I got over EIGHT HOURS last night, guys. I’ve been on about a 5.5 hour streak for the last year. At least. I’ve also been walking Annie a couple of times a day, though it snowed last night, so there’s another halt on that for the foreseeable future. I’ve also gotten back on the treadmill a couple of times. I’ve decided that more pain in my bad foot is worth the exchange of feeling better in the rest of my body. But I also devote spare minutes of every hour to stretch and massage my foot and leg, so I think that’s actually getting a little better too.

I’ve also felt very productive this week. I finished that online business class I was talking – a lot faster than expected! It was really refreshing to stretch my mind in different ways, and learn more efficient ways to run the business end of things. While there’s still some more office work I should probably do soon, I was desperate to get back to the fun stuff and spent all day Friday and this morning sewing my first batch of dolls in over a month. I’ve also cooked A LOT of food this week. Which to me is always a double edged sword. I love feeling like I’m feeding myself nutritious and wholesomely made food. And I resent how dang long it takes to research, plan, shop for, prep, make, and clean up after that food. It could very easily become a full time job and I don’t like it. It shouldn’t require so much energy to eat food that’s good for you.

While it’s been a great week in many ways, I’ve also found myself spending half the week feeling very depressed. It’s like all the good things I’ve been doing to nourish myself are uncovering a lot of the deeper issues I’ve been hiding away for a very long time. I’ve been trying to just let the bad feelings come and pass over me as some form of healing while trying to move on. But…I don’t know. Sometimes it’s really hard to just get out of the chair and get back to doing something good. Also – it’s cold. January in Wisconsin is a hard time to be happy, period.

Anyway. I was going to share about some of the food I made this week, but I think I’ll save it for a belated Friday Favorites post I’ll write next. But back to the week – I spent Monday and Tuesday working on the class. On Wednesday morning I had a coffee scheduled, but only one of my friends ended up being able to come. It was great to catch up with her, though!

I decided to take Thursday as a day to celebrate finishing the class, so I went to some of my favorite stores in Madison to browse around. I wanted to get lunch at Bartaco (my favorite Madison tacos!), but it’s in such an inconvenient location that I just ended up at Chipotle instead. Still delicious, but not very special. I also changed up our bedding on Thursday. I’ve been on the lookout for a new comforter for ages and finally found one I liked. It feels like a very cozy change of pace. Jack definitely approves!

And on Friday I got back to work! I spent so much of 2019 making dolls with only the business side of things on my mind. Which is funny to say since I spent this week focusing on the BUSINESS side of things. What I mean is that I was only making larger dolls and dolls that were quickest to make (no painting on the legs, only pigtail hairstyles) because I wanted to get as much money as I could as quickly as possible. Which is MAYBE a good business plan? But for someone who really just desperately wants to be creative, it wasn’t working out for me very well. I’m not sure how the rest of the year will go, but for RIGHT NOW, when I’m focusing so hard on nourishing my needs, I’ve decided to just do whatever I feel like doing, even if it’s not going to bring in a huge profit. I’m hoping in two weeks I’ll reopen my shop with a lot of new inventory. Giving myself a little leeway to only think about the creating side of things is really what I need right now. Though I’m so excited about all my new ideas I’m a little worried that might bog me down as well! Balance, like always, that elusive idea.

I was excited to have a weekend free of plans, especially with a snowfall overnight and another one starting right now. But those feelings of being trapped with so much video game and youtube noise is quickly driving me to insanity again. There has not been enough of a break between Christmas vacation and this weekend! But I’m trying to keep my head down and just focus on the fun things I wanted to do this weekend. While I’m very anxious to immediately start on my next batch of dolls, I also FINALLY found a Cricut project I’m excited about doing, so that’s up next. Plus my pile of cookbooks and books and planning for the week ahead.

Next week should be a nice mix of work and fun. I have a lunch scheduled with a friend Tuesday. And then Greg and I are going to see his favorite podcast live on Thursday night. Friday is our 20TH anniversary of being together, so we’re making a little mini vacation out of it. I hope the weather cooperates so we can walk around Milwaukee a bit. But either way, it’ll be nice to have a little trip. I don’t think we’re going to have a chance to really do much for our wedding anniversary this year, so I’d like for this one to be special.

That’s about it for now!

Weekend Reflections 01.05.2020

Whew, it’s been an exhausting weekend! It’s been an exhausting week, with the end of Christmas vacation, New Year’s festivities, and jumping back into the swing of things Thursday. I’ve been trying to pace myself getting my life back in order, with as little freaking out as possible about time going too quickly and not getting enough done. I’M TRYING. But it’s officially been a month since I’ve done any sewing and I’m still not sure I’m going to have a chance to do it this week because I have a huge work related thing I need to get through before I can actually start sewing again. I miss it! I really miss making money. 😛 But day by day, decision by decision, I’m trying to just do what I can and know I’ll get back to my dolls eventually.

On Monday, Greg went into work and I took the boys to Madison because Caden had a dentist appointment. We stopped at Starbucks and a grocery store before I dropped Caden off at a friend’s house for a few hours.

Tuesday was New Year’s Eve. It already feels like ages ago. Oh yes, we had a big snowfall overnight, so we all spent the morning shoveling because Greg was having issues getting the snowblower started for the first time this season. He was also working at home while the boys and I were enjoying our last day of mostly chilling around. I think I was writing blog posts.

Our night was fun! Nothing super exciting, but it’s exactly the way I like it. I made a huge cheese platter that we all stuffed ourselves on and then we watched the third How to Train Your Dragon movie, Abominable, and a bunch of Netflix countdowns before putting the boys to bed around 10. Then Greg and I watched Once Upon a Time in Hollywood until about 11:45 and then went up to bed to read. So we WERE awake at midnight, barely. I almost never make it that late, so it was impressive. It was a really nice night, though. No fighting, no drama, just movies and food and laughter.

We had a New Year’s lunch with ping pong and puzzles and Great British Bake Off Holiday Specials with the in-law’s and then headed home to get back on track for school and everything.

I was THRILLED to get everyone off to school and work on Thursday. I should have enjoyed finally having the house to myself, but after feeling trapped at home for most of break with sick kids, I was antsy to get out and enjoy myself. I ran a few necessary errands (mostly involving buying three different shovels from three different stores), went to a few of my favorite stores to just leisurely look around, and then had a lunch out, enjoying every bite of food that I didn’t have to make myself. Making three meals a day for all four of us for over a week straight is EXHAUSTING. I think I spent at least half my day in the kitchen every single day.

On Friday I was ready to get down to work and I spent most of my day at the computer, closing out all the distractions, and focusing on this work-related class I’m taking, trying to learn a lot more about the actual business side of being a business owner. It’s important stuff and I feel like I can’t start creating again until I’ve finished. I’m hoping to really power through and get it done this week, even though it’s supposed to take 2-4 weeks.

Shepard’s new glasses came in, so I nabbed him on his way home from school to go pick them up. They’re the same as the old ones, but black instead of blue. They put plastic lenses in instead of glass and I wish I had asked more about the difference, other than them being cheaper. This pair seems extremely reflective and I don’t like it (though I wouldn’t say that to him). Fortunately, I guess, we also ordered a cheaper pair from Zenni because he was OBSESSED with wanting transitions lenses and we didn’t believe that he’d actually like them and didn’t want to waste so much money on them at the eye doctor. But that pair came yesterday and he likes them a lot more, so I guess that’s what he’ll be wearing most of the time. They look almost the same, but a more matte black frame, and – they’ll transition when he’s outside.

On Saturday we FINALLY had a chance to go see Little Women. Unfortunately, I had a terrible headache the entire day that I couldn’t seem to shake, so it did put a bit of a damper on the date. But we went to Guimo’s to get some yummy Mexican food, stopped at Target to buy cat litter, and then saw the movie. I liked it a lot! I spent the entire rest of the day laying on the futon reading an awesome book (The Grace Year).

We spent all of today putting away the Christmas decorations. Whew! I should say that GREG and I put everything away, while the boys just whined about it and maybe did five whole minutes worth of work. I was getting pretty stressed out because every cleared area meant that I actually had to start more projects to rearrange all my stuff after the influx of Christmas gifts. I ended up taking ALL my books off all my shelves and rearranging all of them. And let’s just say – I have a lot of books that I really need to read.

Anyway, it was not the most fun of days, but Christmas stuff is put away! I’m glad we got it all done and now I can move on with my life.

I’m not sure I want to do Sunday Intentions anymore, in lieu of my new plan of not putting so many goals and expectations on my time. But it looks to be a pretty quiet week ahead, with just a coffee morning with friends on Wednesday and getting my brakes replaced on Friday. I’m planning to just focus on my coursework and hopefully going through a few more cookbooks to get good meal plans for the coming weeks. Greg gave me an air fryer for Christmas, but I have no idea what to do with it (I did ask for it!), so I need to find some great recipes. I also need to get back to eating well. I was doing so great until Christmas Eve and then it got hard again. It’s just plain really hard when everyone is home all the time. Easy well liked meals are more important than healthy meals, for my sanity’s sake.

That’s it for tonight! Have a great week!

Sunday Intentions 12.08.2019

I’ve been putting off writing today because I’m in a pretty crummy mood. Namely, I’m hungry. I was so proud of myself for making this banana bread steel cut oats with almond milk breakfast in my instant pot this morning. It seemed like such a wholesome and filling breakfast idea. And it was delicious! And fifteen minutes after eating it I was starving. I’ve gotten a bit lax in my diet the last few days with the abundance of cheese and crackers filling every square inch of refrigerator and pantry room. I don’t want to be up and down like this. I want to stay the course and just have these set food rules that I follow ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT. But it’s hard. And discouraging on days like today when I’m really hungry and I just don’t know what to eat. Someone please just make my food for me so I don’t have to make so many decisions all the time.

I’m also really hung up on some negative interactions or incidents I’ve had with people in my life recently. Little things that then brought up stuff that happened with those same people multiple times this year and I just can’t stop stewing over it. I have a very hard time forgiving and forgetting. It’s probably one of my biggest flaws. But it baffles me how some people can be so kind and friendly and then turn out to have zero common decency about other things. It makes me feel stupid for putting in the effort when they apparently care so little in return. It also makes me question the authenticity of all my friendships.

At any rate, I’ve had a very lazy day, which felt….weird. There were plenty of ways I could have spent my time today, but I mostly just read an entire book. I did force myself to take Annie for a walk. I took TWO naps. And we just watched Elf. I should have accomplished at least a little more, but I couldn’t work up the energy.

I think it’ll be a pretty low key week ahead. Normally about this time I’d start stressing about what baking I should do this year, but…I don’t plan on doing any! And it’s such a relief! As much as I like baking, the pressure to do so many things at once to give away to neighbors and family was always just one more thing to try and squeeze in. This year, I’m over it. And I’m good with it! I do need to get started on wrapping presents, though.

Wednesday is the only “big” day this week, with a coffee morning at a friend’s house, the boys have an early release, and Greg will be in Chicago for work. Other than that, my time is surprisingly free! Maybe I can FINALLY catch up on some Hope*Writers classes. They do a live class every Tuesday and every Tuesday I end up being out of the house or desperate for sleep because there’s something big happening that night. I keep planning on watching them later, but haven’t had time. I’m beginning to doubt this is the community for me again because I just don’t seem to have the time for it. I don’t know.

Anyway, this is feeling like a very depressing post so I should probably just end it! My intention for the week is to simply work on my goals for the month. Make healthy food. Wrap some Christmas presents. Read. Walk. Hopefully after a night of sleep and trip to the store to get some more food options will put me in a much better mood tomorrow!

Weekend Reflections and Intentions (x 2) 12.01.2019

I have two weeks of recaps to run through today! I’ll try to stick with the highlights. Like this bread (lol). My neighbor gave me the recipe of this gluten free bread she loves to make – as well as a couple of slices. It was really delicious! I never would have guessed it was gluten free. So I bought the supplies and made my own loaf. It turned out perfectly! Unfortunately, the second day, after eating a few pieces for breakfast, I did NOT feel well. I was having pretty intense stomach pains and the only thing I could think of was that it was the bread. So I waited two full days until I felt fully better and then ate it again – a glutton for punishment. But I didn’t have the same symptoms, so it’s a mystery. I’m a bit hesitant to make it again, but I’m sure I will! Though I’m also trying to put my focus more on actual whole grain breads, since those are what’s best for my liver. I’m still not very clear on if gluten free flours are actually whole grains, or just NOT gluten. And gluten’s not my issue, the WHITE refined flour is.

One of my only real work related accomplishments this month was curating six beautiful themed “gift baskets.” I had SO much fun doing it. Plus it justified all my many TJMaxx random purchases! I sold four of them right away, but the other two are still currently available! 🙂 If I had all the time and space and the right customer base who was ready to spend tons of money on such things, I’d make gift collections like this for a living. SO much fun.

I had a sign painting party! I was really excited about hosting it, but then was a bit overwhelmed that I had to keep nagging people and practically begging for more participants. I don’t like feeling like I’m forcing people to do something! But we met the required 9 sign ups (plus one extra at the last minute!) – whew! And it was such a great evening!! I prepped a big cheese tray and flourless chocolate cake and then we all gathered for painting and conversation. I’m not sure I’d ever want to host again, but I’m still addicted to the creating part!

This is the sign I did. I painted it exactly like the example because I loved the color combination so much.

I was feeling a bit blue by this long and melancholy month that really felt nothing like FALL, so I decided to go ahead and swap out my Christmas mugs a few weeks early. They bring me so much joy!

My food adventures continued with a loaf of grainy bread and my favorite granola recipe. The bread was just okay. The flax seed made it taste very…healthy. It wasn’t awful, but I don’t think I’d make it again when I can buy a loaf of pretty healthy whole grain bread at the store that tastes a whole lot better. The granola recipe is delicious, but also not the healthiest. But I swapped the original pecans for red walnuts, which are supposedly the healthiest of walnuts and best nuts for people with liver disease.

Last Saturday was Caden’s Lego League competition. It started at 7:30 in the morning and went until after 5 at night. Greg and Caden were there from the start and Shepard and I went with the grandparents a few hours later. It was a really long and emotionally draining day for him. But I’m proud of him for sticking with it, despite how frustrating it sometimes was. He was going through a lot of mixed emotions throughout the day because he didn’t want to do well enough that they moved on to sectionals – he wanted to be DONE. But he also really, really, really hates not being great and getting recognition for things, so he was upset at the same time that they weren’t doing amazing or won any awards. But overall, they got in about the top 40% of the 38 teams there, which is pretty great considering they only had three members, they were all fifth graders (it went up to eighth grade), and it was their first year competing.

On Sunday, I had SO many things to catch up on. I was really feeling the impending deadline of BLACK FRIDAY and desperately needing a larger inventory so I could have a sale. I barely sewed at all this month between my vacation and liver biopsy related stuff and hosting and attending various get togethers. I had a pretty good plan for the day, but also made the suggestion that maybe we could bring the tree upstairs and get a start on it since Thanksgiving was so late this year. Greg proceeded to bring up every single Christmas decoration we had, giving me no choice but to ditch my agenda and spend the entire day swapping out decorations and setting up trees. Once it was done, I was thankful to have done it and to have done it early (it certainly made this past weekend so much more relaxing!). But at the time, I was basically on the brink of hysteria. I don’t like my agendas being messed with. I couldn’t have done anything I had planned anyway because every surface was covered in Christmas stuff! Anyway, for the record, I am thankful Greg made us power through and was quite helpful with the setup – not to mention carrying all those boxes and trees up and down our precarious basement steps so many times. But it was a stressful day.

By the end of the night I had the living room completely done. Greg set up the family room tree on his own, though I guess I haven’t taken a photo of that one yet. But we got enough done that all the boxes could go back down and I could sigh in relief!

On Monday I had a ton of errands to run. I knew I was going to be out the entire day, so I made a plan to go to this new restaurant Ancho and Agave that opened last month. It’s in Middleton, so I’m not there very often and didn’t know when I’d next have a chance. Anyway, the restaurant was really cute and the food was delicious! I loved all of it except the pork taco, which was cold by the time I ate it and kind of fatty. But I was so full by that point it didn’t really matter. I’d definitely go back. I like that I made myself go to a really tasty sit down restaurant rather than just grabbing something fast and terrible for me, the way that I used to do on long shopping days.

On Tuesday I set up my treat box for the delivery drivers! I’m so glad I saw this idea online a few years ago because I always feel guilty for how many packages I get. At least I can feel a little better by giving them treats the last five or six weeks of the year! Though I think it’s kind of funny that I decided to put pretzels and popcorn in the box to start, thinking maybe the delivery drivers would like slightly healthier options than chips. Nope! The only things taken all week were the Little Debbies and Oreos. I’ll pick out some different things when I get to Costco this week. (For the record, right after I wrote this paragraph a FedEx driver dropped off a package. Earlier today a USPS woman brought a pile of packages. So apparently it no longer matters that it’s Sunday, they’re still out working.)

On Tuesday I finished up a couple more Christmas dolls and then made a squash curry soup for our at home date night. I got the inspiration from Antoni on an episode of Queer Eye, but didn’t follow any specific recipe. I just roasted butternut squash, onions, and garlic with curry seasoning, salt, and cumin in the oven for awhile, then mixed it in the blender with chicken bone broth, put it back on the stove to simmer with a little bit of heavy cream, and then topped it with a teeny swirl of sour cream and cilantro. Anyway, Greg and I are not typical squash eaters, but we both loved the soup. I’m actually just really not a soup eater, but it’s kind of blowing my mind how easy and healthy it is to whip up something from scratch without a recipe, so it’s turning into a weekly occurrence.

Wednesday was more of a kitchen FAIL day. My only assignments for Thanksgiving dinner were to make rolls and one dessert. My favorite part of Thanksgiving meals are just eating little turkey sandwiches dipped in gravy – I’m not such a fan of all the traditional sides. So I wanted to make something I could eat without feeling guilty and chose a honey wheat recipe that looked fool proof. I also made some honey butter rolled Parker house buns, but it only made 12 and we were going to have 10 people there and I assumed most of them would want the white option. So then I decided to make a cranberry walnut loaf of bread with an 18 hour rise time – but with wheat flour instead. I finally moved on to the pecan pie cheesecake, only to forget to add the heavy cream at the end – which I had poured into the measuring cup, but for some reason didn’t add to the cheesecake! I think it turned out fine without it, but of course I didn’t know that until the next night when we ate it! Meanwhile, Greg came home and asked if he could have a wheat bun. He took a bite and said “Is this from a bad batch?” And then I burst into tears and immediately started hunting down other recipes. I proceeded to spend the entire night making pretzel buns – very untraditional, but also the only rolls I never mess up – and a new beer cheese roll recipe. And of course during all this I was also trying each roll, even though I shouldn’t be eating three of them, but I needed to make sure they were servable. What sounded like a pretty easy baking assignment this year turned into twelve solid hours in the kitchen with the only thing that seemed to really work being pretzel buns, and I was kind of a wreck by the end of it. I baked the cranberry walnut bread in the morning, but decided not to bring it with me. (This is my all time favorite kind of bread and changing it to wheat was a sad disappointment. I’ve still been eating a slice for breakfast every day, but it’s definitely not the same!) In the end, I realized that everyone else really just wants to eat the sides and after sitting on the counter untouched for the last few days, I dumped them all last night. What a waste of my emotional energy! Remind me next year to just make pretzel buns and be done with it. 😛 Or just BUY SOME. Caden and I are very similar in this regard (and a lot of things) – I want to be really great at everything I do, and I am not great at roll making. I should stick with desserts because I’m actually good at that.

Thanksgiving Day was really nice! I took Annie to the dog park in the morning – our tradition. Then we took our Christmas card photos by the tree. The boys would only cooperate for two rounds of 10 shot photos, but we actually got a really nice one right away. I was able to order cards for super cheap on Friday.

We spent the rest of the day at the in-law’s, just relaxing and eating! I was mostly reading because my brain couldn’t handle playing board games like everyone else. The food was delicious, as always! I tried my mom’s sweet potato casserole for the first time this year and am mad at how many years I was missing out on something so delicious! The cheesecake also tasted great, though as usual I seemed to be the only one actually interested in dessert because I don’t go crazy overboard during the meal. Overall, it was a really nice day together with family.

Earlier in the week I had a great idea to solve my lack of new inventory Black Friday problem. PRE-ORDERS. Every year I get so many people asking me for ornament sized dolls and every year people are disappointed if they didn’t get one. So I had the grand idea to offer pre-orders this year, rather than a discount. And I think it worked out perfectly! I ended up with 18 doll orders. Enough to feel very successful, but not so many that I’m crazy overwhelmed by it. And it hopefully made everyone happy! On Saturday I offered a 20% off sale that was supposed to end at midnight, but is still running today, apparently. Oh well. There might be one last slightly better deal tomorrow for Cyber Monday. My hope is that I’ll make enough sales this weekend that the pressure will be off to produce a ton more new dolls in December.

On Friday afternoon I met my in-laws at the theater and we saw A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. It was a really great movie!

On Friday night we went to Columbus’ Christmas parade, like we always do. It seemed slightly bigger this year! The weather wasn’t too bad and it was a fun time. Our neighbor friends came with us.

Yesterday was a fairly relaxed day. I have a zillion different things I should be doing, but I’m trying to force myself to let it go and just do what I want to do on weekends. I recently finished reading a book about managing and reversing liver disease and one of the biggest factors in diseases starting up or not getting better is actually just plain stress. And I’m stressed ALL. THE. TIME. And most of that stress is self-inflicted. I HAVE CONTROL. The problem is that I’m very controlling of myself and my time and I think it’s maybe destroying me. I need to let loose more often. Or…just do nothing.

I did participate in the local wine/soda walk yesterday with my friend Laura. It was so much fun! We were mostly interested in just checking out the fun little gift shops around town and spending a few hours hanging out. I purchased a few little items at every store, making me feel like a great Small Business Saturday shopper! 🙂 It was a really enjoyable event.

And now it’s December! Twinkle the Elf made a re-appearance. All week long the boys have been talking about how they can’t wait for him to come and bring donuts. With all these new healthy mindset thoughts CONSTANTLY on my brain, I had a tough time buying these donuts for them. But it’s apparently one of their all time favorite traditions, so it needed to happen. We also got to open day one on our five advent calenders! Greg surprised me with a hot sauce advent! Jack was very jealous of Annie’s calendar, so we had to bring over a bag of cat treats so he can get something every day too.

Shepard and I set up my last little rainbow Christmas tree this morning, so now we’re officially decorated. The rest of the day has just been very chill! I wrapped up orders, made a pizza, and took my first nap in ages. I’d like to get a jump on my pre-order dolls tonight, but we’ll see how I’m feeling. I need to meal plan too.

Sunday Intentions

I think it’ll be a pretty low key week! Annie has a grooming appointment tomorrow, so I’m hoping to really devote the whole day to sewing. Tuesday will be errands. Wednesday more sewing. Thursday sewing and cleaning. And Friday prepping for my Favorite Things Party that night! Friday’s also St. Nick’s Day. It should actually be a pretty great week.

My biggest goal for the week is to get to Friday and feel prepared. I still have no clue what St. Nick might be bringing everyone this year. I also need to gather and wrap my favorite things for the party. I don’t want to spend Friday feeling like a crazy person trying to get everything cleaned and set up last minute, the way that I did before my sign painting party. If I can stay on track all week doing little things here and there, it should all go smoothly without too much stress.

My other goal this week is to go through a stack of cookbooks I bought about a month ago and haven’t even opened yet. I want some serious inspiration AND A PLAN for cooking whole and delicious foods this month. I want to be prepared so we’re not resorting to frozen meals. They’re fine every once in awhile, but I want to really focus on feeding myself and my family nourishing food at home to counteract all the other things we’ll be eating when we’re out of the house around Christmas. Balance!

Anyway, no meal plan yet since I’m hoping to go through a cookbook yet tonight. But first – treadmill time!

Have a good week and happy December!

Weekend Reflections and Intentions 11.17.2019

This is going to be short! Or…shorter than normal. 🙂

Monday I was still in North Carolina for most of the day and I already wrote all about that trip.

Tuesday I was wildly trying to catch up on laundry, get enough groceries to last through the week, clean, work on all my new website plans, and write the post about North Carolina!

Wednesday was my liver biopsy. All in all, it was actually a pretty boring procedure. The hospital was ahead of schedule, but that still meant we were just waiting around in every room because nothing was prepped yet. Once everything was set up the actual procedure was only a couple of minutes long. After the numbing I really didn’t feel any pain, just the pressure of the needle going deep into my body. They put the needles through the middle of my chest-ish area, not on my right side (where the liver is!) as I expected. Then I was in a recovery room for a couple of hours.

I was nervous beforehand, but really just antsy to get it over with. I was not, however, prepared for how much pain I was going to be in during recovery. I guess I was one of the lucky ones who got a referred pain in my left arm/shoulder/neck. It honestly felt like I was having a heart attack (or what I assume a heart attack feels like), and it lasted the entire rest of the day. They gave me something to help the pain while I was in the room, but once I was up and walking to the car it all came rushing back. It was a pretty rough afternoon and night because every teeny tiny movement felt like electrical shocks through my body. It HURT. But I survived. I’ll get the results from the test sometime this week. I’ve made my peace with either outcome. No matter what I’m still going to keep working on changing my diet and exercise habits. And if I have hepatitis, I think that really just means I’ll have to go on medication. And probably be monitored more closely.

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel on Thursday, so I gave myself the day to try and relax. I don’t really remember how I spent the day! I don’t think I was just laying around, though.

Friday I did the #onedayhh instagram photo challenge, documenting my entire day. So…I won’t write about that yet because I plan on posting about it soon.

I spent most of Saturday on my computer, working on my gift guides and working on getting to instagram with all the companies tagged and linked up, etc. I’m really excited about upping my social media presence, but I also have A LOT to learn. It’s a bit overwhelming. I need to step away from it this week and get back to REAL work, though. I need to make some money. And make my customers happy.

This morning I went to my goddaughter McKenna’s hockey game. I’m not able to go to her birthday party this year, so I wanted a chance to see her. It was fun! I’ve never been to a kid hockey game before. Then since I was already in Madison I decided it made sense for me to run all my errands rather than go back tomorrow as planned. I always forget how awful running errands on weekends is. So many more people. It felt like it took me three times longer to go to the same amount of stores. I also have a sinus cold right now, so it wasn’t really helping make the day feel like it was going smoothly. But errands are done for the week! Greg and the boys were gone when I got back and after putting all the groceries away I got a second wind and started some cleaning and organizing projects. Always so much to do.

Sunday Intentions

It’s a MOSTLY normal week ahead. Feels like first one in ages. All five days are completely free for me to stay home and work and actually be productive. On Wednesday night I’m having a sign painting party, so I will need to do some cleaning and a little bit of food prep for that. And Saturday is Caden’s Lego League competition, though we still don’t know what time it’s going to be at (I don’t know where it is either, but I think Greg has that information). I can’t understand how less than a week before the event it still doesn’t have a start time when they’ve been working toward this event for three months. But…I guess that’s just how it works? I’m just happy to have a lighter week, finally. Next week’s Thanksgiving and then it’s practically Christmas and December will be insane. I need to GET STUFF DONE this week.

My main intention for this week is to get back on track food-wise. I was doing pretty good, but vacation really messed me up. I’ve been feeling deprived and stressed this past week trying to figure out what I can eat again. But I bought a ton of ingredients while I was shopping today to hopefully be able to make all my own foods this week. It’s a priority.

I also need to make dolls. Seriously. Last week I made two book swap dolls so I could get those finished up and out of the house, but I haven’t made shop dolls in weeks! Yikes. I normally have some kind of great Black Friday weekend sale figured out, but I just don’t think I’m going to have time this year. I had the grand idea to make “gift baskets” with a couple of different themes, which are going to be AWESOME, but they’re also a lot more work, will be a lot more expensive, and I really don’t know if they’ll sell. It’s a gamble. I’d love to have them finished up by Wednesday when I have my party, but I’m thinking Friday is probably more realistic!

And because I’m sick right now, I’d like to TRY to get a bit more rest. I’ve been sleeping terribly the last few weeks and not getting my regular naps because Rory has decided it’s fun to climb on my face every single time I start dozing off. He used to be my best cuddle buddy, but I think I’m going to need to lock him out. I’d like to try and make evenings more sacred rest times too. I’ve really let that intention go lately. All in all, it should be a good week.

Meal Plan (roughly)

Monday – Carne Asada Steak Tacos with Chipotle Sauce

Tuesday – Turkey Breast, Cauliflower Mash (trying it out!), and Asparagus

Wednesday – Party Night! I’m making one of my epic cheese platters

Thursday – Leftovers, I hope

Friday – Maybe I’ll try my first gluten free pizza 🙂

Saturday – Out somewhere to celebrate the end of Lego League

Have a good week!

October 2019 Reflections, a Little Early

October has shaped up to be one of the busiest and hardest months I’ve ever had. It’s been filled with a lot of great pockets of time connecting with friends and family. But it’s been alternated with so much stress and anxiety and emotional overwhelm. I don’t think I’ve ever let go of so many things go at once that are important to me in order to just survive my day to day life. I stopped filling out my bullet journal and organizing my tasks and giving myself a solid plan of what to work on every day. I stopped writing even the weekly blog posts that tend to ground and guide my weeks, and haven’t even considered writing anything beyond the occasional journal entry. I stopped listening to most podcasts in favor of soaking up the very rare silence or just listening to music instead. I slowed down so much on doll making, going up to a week at a time without even picking it up. And I’ve stopped reading. Not entirely. But this has been the slowest book month I’ve ever had. Lack of actual time is a big reason why, but I’ve definitely picked mindless phone scrolling over reading way too often.

There have been plenty of good things that have been filling my time that I definitely don’t regret. A group of my friends threw me a little birthday lunch, which was really awesome. It meant a lot to me that they cared about celebrating with me in the midst of their own crazy busy lives. I’ve also had two morning coffees at my house this month – with another one happening on Friday. I had a lunch date with another friend. And I have a lunch date with a friend this week as well. It’s been great reconnecting with everyone after what felt like an incredibly long dry spell. Female friendships are so important and we should all fight to keep them alive and thriving.

I’ve been dipping into some Cricut projects – really the main reason I wasn’t sewing for awhile there. These are the first three projects I did, using free files I found online. I was most impressed with how the mug turned out and might just focus on making more of those for gifts on upcoming holidays. I designed one myself to make for my friend Julie’s birthday and it turned out really nice. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed using my graphic design skills. But it also feels like starting completely from scratch – forget all those college classes and degree from a million years ago! So it’s very time consuming, requires a ton of research and searching for free things to work with before I can entirely design my own, and – I’m not that great at some of it. The main reason I wanted a Cricut was to make stencils and wooden signs. I’ve done a couple of stencils on canvas so far and they haven’t turned out at all. I’m hoping it’s just because of the canvas. I bought some wooden planks a few weeks ago to start practicing for real, but we haven’t found a time yet for Greg to help me use the rotary saw. That thing scares me.

Last weekend we got to spend a lot of time with Hudson, Timmy, and Brittany. The boys and I joined my mom in babysitting him on Saturday night and on Sunday we celebrated Brittany’s birthday. He was so much fun to hang out with! He’s talking so much and giggling and laughing about everything. His favorite thing was wrestling with the boys. He liked joining in on all their random snacking too.

It’s hard to go so many months in between seeing him, but it’s fun to see how much he’s changed in those time periods. He’s such a little cutie.

This last Thursday night we finally had some free time, so we carved pumpkins. Except that I was SO tired – it’s been a pretty sucky week, but more on that in a minute. Shepard had just cut his thumb playing gaga ball and didn’t want to get it full of pumpkin juice. And Caden was just not wanting to participate because he never wants to participate in ANYTHING. So Greg did all the scooping, we drew the faces, he did the carving. And he did it all in record time!

I worked on cleaning and making our pumpkin seeds. We always do one batch of salt, one dill and salt, and one chex mix flavors.

On Friday night we walked to the annual town bonfire. I always think it’s just a really nice memorable thing to participate in each year. It wasn’t quite as fun as last year because there was no DJ and Caden had zero interest in playing with his friends. I don’t know what’s been going on with him lately, but he’s having a rough time. Or he’s making choices that are making him feel like he’s having a rough time because he refuses to even try to be friendly with people anymore. But Shepard had a blast.

In a single day I actually made six little boy dolls from start to finish. It’s the first time I’ve made boys in almost two years. It’s the first time I’ve made dolls this small in probably at least six months. Dresses and long hair are what take the longest, so boys are very speedy! They all sold instantly. I started a second batch right away. I’ve needed a break from fall and Halloween dolls. Seasonal dolls kind of drag me down. It’s hard to feel super inspired when I feel like I have to make them. I don’t like being told what to do! So it was fun to throw in something different.

Last night we had our annual Halloween party with the grandparents and the city trick or treating. I wasn’t feeling super inspired this year, so I just made my annual pizza snake and a few snack mixes. Cindy brought caramel, apples, veggies and dip and sparking caramel apple cider. My mom brought a ham and cheese mummy and two desserts. It was a nice evening! Caden was being especially moody, but he perked up a bit as we were trick or treating. He was dressed as a dabbing taco. Shepard was his favorite youtuber, Unspeakable. Only one person recognized him and most people probably wondered why he wasn’t wearing a costume.

Annie was a rainbow and received A LOT of attention. The boys lasted longer than years past, but Shepard was still antsy to get back home and help hand out with Greg. Caden went back out for a few more houses.

Later in the evening there was a flashlight pumpkin hunt set up for older kids. I had signed Caden up thinking it would be something really fun to do, and extra special since only he was old enough. But he DID NOT want to go. But we were already planning to take Willow with us and I was sure he’d cheer up once he got there, so we went. It ended up being inside because it was raining by then, but we had to stand around for 40 minutes waiting for it to begin and he was moping and scowling and begging me to go home the entire time. Once the whistle blew he seemed to kind of enjoy himself, but it definitely wasn’t the fun memory I was expecting to make.

I just don’t know what to do with that kid. He’s always been like this – never wanting to do anything outside of the house. But it seems to be getting even worse. It’s infuriating trying to find this balance of encouraging things that might surprise him, while also realizing he is VERY much like me emotionally and not wanting to push him into more than he can handle. It’s hard to make him do things when I’m also in this season of life where new things are being thrown at me and added to the calendar every single day and I feel like I’m absolutely drowning, no matter how much fun those events might be. Despite the fact that he was super excited about the idea months ago, we didn’t force him into joining basketball this winter – a 3-4 night weekly commitment that he was flat out refusing to do. The deadline was this week and I just let it slide, even though Greg wanted to make him do it. I felt like that was just going to guarantee three months of all of us being miserable. I DID, however, make him sign up for chess club again. He loved it in spring, but wanted nothing to do with it this fall. They included a few younger grades this year, so Shepard actually joined too, which is probably the only reason he was convinced to go (he wasn’t “missing out” on game time if Shepard was with him at school). I’m trying so hard to help him with a balance, but he doesn’t make it easy. Ever.

So I had my annual doctor’s exam a few weeks ago. Which is more intensive than it used to be since I started having blood pressure and liver problems last year. All my female parts are in good working order and my blood pressure is under control with my meds. But my liver – it’s not good. I had to go back a second time since I hadn’t fasted the first time to get my labs done. I got the results the next day and my cholesterol is high and my liver values have doubled since February. NOT good. I won’t try to interpret the numbers on my own just yet, but I’ve been referred to a GI doctor and will see her this Wednesday. I obviously don’t know what she’ll say and what next steps might be, but this was the wake up call I guess I really needed to start genuinely changing my life around. And I’ve been going through all the shame and depression and mourning that comes with a self-induced disease that I have to somehow buck up and change entirely on my own if I want to stay alive. It sucks.

Changing my diet is basically the hardest thing in the entire world I can imagine doing. Last year when I had an ultrasound and was diagnosed with mild fatty liver, I was upset, but also motivated to start losing weight. I joined Noom, I started tracking food, and then I did really well for about four months when life took over and I gave up. This year, I don’t want to focus on losing weight. Because that feels temporary. Something to strive for, achieve, and then fall back into old habits. This time around, I NEED to change. I need to change basically everything. And I’m so, so overwhelmed by it. And honestly….just really sad. Refined carbs are the biggest contributor to fatty liver. And…I live on refined carbs. Hence my self induced disease and dealing with the shame that this is all my fault. I did this to myself. And I’m maybe doing it to my kids by allowing them to eat the same way I’ve eaten my whole life. So now not only do I have the pressure of changing my own diet, I’m also responsible for the three other people in my family and trying to change their diets too – which is SURELY going to be met with so many riots and anger and additional stress. I really don’t know if I can handle it.

I’m still waiting to see what the GI doctor specifically tells me I need to do, but I’ve started this week by eliminating almost all my usual carbs, trying out some keto recipes, adding green tea to my day, finding ways to add bone broth to many meals, and avoiding as many bad fats and sugar as possible. I’ve found some good ideas and worked on looking for substitutions to my favorite things to try and not make it feel like I’m suddenly doomed to a life of deprivation. But I’m also really struggling with how I’m going to live with this long term. I don’t like soup, unless it’s loaded with cheese and chips or crackers. I don’t like salad unless it’s covered in ranch and croutons. I have no idea what to eat for breakfast that will fill me up and not have carbs in it. I’ve been having yogurt with granola and bananas every day this week and while it is filling, it’s not really what I crave. It’s too sweet, mainly – I never like to eat sweet things in the morning because I get headaches from it. I honestly think I’d be okay giving up most desserts and sugary things, but I don’t know how to give up the salty things I basically live for. English muffins, chips, sandwiches, peanut butter toast, tacos, rice bowls. This whole week I’ve been cycling through feeling hopeful about some new ideas and absolute depression at how many things I have to let go of forever. I can’t encourage bad behavior by thinking I can eat most things in moderation. I know I can’t. I have to say give them up or this is never going to work.

Anyway, this whole process is just beginning and it’s been hard. But I honestly can already tell the difference in how I feel. Yesterday I was going up and down stairs over and over again and realized hey – my legs don’t hurt as much as they usually do. I’ve had some extra energy and have been taking Annie on two walks every day. And I haven’t given carbs up completely – I did still have grilled cheese and some amazing tomato soup twice this week, and I had a few small pieces of the pizza snake last night. But just not having anything refined for breakfast or lunch is already starting to help. And I want to hold on to those positive changes I can already see after such a short period of time and start craving more of that instead of only thinking about how much I’m losing. I have a long road ahead of me.

Well, usually when I write these monthly recap posts, I just address how I’ve come along on my goals for the month. And I’ll just sum it up quickly by saying I’ve been an utter failure this month! I couldn’t handle it. I did read SOME of my seasonal book stack. I have been taking a lot of walks, but haven’t done any yoga videos or enforced the idea of doing it first thing in the morning because so many mornings have held appointments or important errands. My daily writing practice has only come in the occasional early morning journal entry. And I did go to the theater – Greg and I saw Downton Abbey for my birthday date. I was still hoping to go on my own at some point, but there hasn’t been anything worth seeing.

I think that’s it! I’m finishing October off with a Culver’s fundraiser with Shepard tomorrow night, lunch with my friend Laura on Tuesday, the doctor on Wednesday, and a coffee morning on Friday. My trip to North Carolina is in just a week and a half, so I’m also trying to prepare for that. There’s been a whole lot of anxiety and doubt about that trip as well. It’s hard to feel excited about a writing conference when I haven’t been making writing a priority in a long time. But I have to trust that how I felt when I signed up was true and this WILL be a good thing. But now I also have the added stress of trying to find restaurant options ahead of time that will support these new dietary needs without getting there and having a ton of anxiety every time I need to eat. There’s just so much going on. And it’s not slowing down anytime soon. Maybe in January??