Weekend Reflections 08.16.2020

This is going to be brief this week, I promise! I’ve had a pretty emotional day and am too tired to go back and look through any of my photos from the week that I didn’t also put on instagram. So – quick recap!

Last Sunday we celebrated my brother’s birthday at my parents’ house. It was a beautiful day and fun to spend some time with Hudson. He was at his best, running around and wildly entertaining the rest of us. So cute!

Everyone was pretty worn out afterward!

We also had a chance to babysit Hudson on Thursday. He was very reserved and shy that day, so we just walked to a couple of parks and played on the playgrounds. It was kind of a tough visit, to be honest. I hate dealing with the tricky circumstances and emotional balancing of trying to see relatives during this stupid pandemic. Wanting to play with our only nephew and cousin, but also trying not to get too close because he’s out in the world a lot more than we are and was visibly sick with something. Fortunately we haven’t had to make a ton of hard decisions like this in the last five months, but when they come up it’s never easy balancing the benefits and risks.

Shepard got his cast on Tuesday! He picked black, not really any surprise since most of his wardrobe is black. The doctor said that when he comes back in four weeks there is a fifty percent chance he’ll be able to get it off then. I really hope so! Then he’ll only have to balance schoolwork left handed for a couple of days.

On Friday morning I had a dentist appointment. I was pretty nervous about being there and not having a mask on for the majority of the appointment. I assume they have a ton of safety measures in place, but there were just a lot of people there and a lot of random things that needed to be touched. I didn’t like it. As a reward for getting through this week I had planned to stop in at both Marshall’s and TJMaxx. Before the pandemic I was going into at least one of these stores every single week! Since the pandemic I’ve only been into them once, in early June. Unfortunately their stock is still really low, so I didn’t find anything and it felt like a big waste of time. But I did get some delicious Chipotle for lunch! And then I ran into Hyvee for just a few things, but it was late enough in the day by then that the store was absolutely packed and the cart and cleaning situation was very confusing, so I pretty much just left and now have to go back to Madison tomorrow to get the things I actually need.

We’ve had more parenting struggles, as usual. Caden decided he doesn’t like living with us, so he went to go “live with” Grandma and Grandpa for a couple of days. So Shepard and Greg ordered pizza Friday night for their mini at home date while I was in the other room eating my BLT. But then they went over for dinner on Saturday and Greg came back with Caden and left Shepard behind. I think it did us all some good to get a bit of a break from each other.

It was a pretty good food week! I made a really great mojo chicken and key lime bars on Monday. Roasted garlic, jalapeno, and pepperoni grilled pizza on Tuesday. Pulled pork sandwiches on Wednesday. Thursday…leftovers, I think? BLT/restaurant pizza on Friday.

I didn’t take any bike photos this week! I actually took three days off from biking, much to my dismay. Though one of those days I did go in the evening, but only a short distance. I didn’t go today either after a really rough night of sleep. I’m slacking! (My foot has also been hurting the worst its hurt since I started biking.) Maybe I’ll head out after I finish this. 🙂

Pandemic living has really been getting to me this weekend. My life feels so small. In many ways, I’m okay with it. I HATE being busy, I hate having obligations I’m not fully into. I’m getting SO much more work done because I’m hardly ever leaving the house. I’m finding more joy in cooking (most days) because I don’t really have a choice – we need to eat. And eat often. I’m able to go on long bike rides every morning because I don’t need to be back home at any certain time since Greg is here too. I have more time to take care of myself and there are so many less distractions pulling me from what I really want to spend my time on. BUT. I feel like I’m missing out. I’m feeling like I deprived my kids of doing anything fun or exciting this summer. The most exciting thing we’ve done is go to a dog park where Annie got sick (and they complained the whole time) and then to a park five minutes away (where they also complained). Every time I open up my timehop app I’m reminded of all the amazing August trips I’ve taken in the last few years – most of them by myself (my favorite way to travel!). Every single time I open up social media I’m bombarded with everyone who has still found a way to take a vacation this summer. I’m resentful of the people that are constantly pushing the boundaries just so they can get out of the house every day. I’m angry at the people who just don’t care and continue to risk themselves and their children by going to as many activities as they can fit in, and if a mask isn’t required all the better. I feel so trapped by my circumstances. And I’m so sick of having this always responsible/type A/wouldn’t break a rule if my life depended on it personality. We are still following social distancing rules and staying home as much as we can. Besides this week’s trip, I only go to one grocery store a week. That’s it. That’s how many times I’m in a building other than my house in a week. ONE. Greg goes to the post office. That’s it for him. The boys have only been in one grandparent’s house this entire time, no other places or events or anything. We’ve been trying so hard to stay safe and it all just feels so completely pointless when most of the world has given up. We’re never going to get this under control and it scares me, but it also just pisses me off that I’m going to continue to follow all these rules, but I’m also going to continue feeling like I’m really missing out because of it. It’s been weighing on me a lot the last few days. I hate all of it. I want my normal life back.

Anyway. Greg was trying to cheer me up, so he packed a small picnic and he, Caden and I went to a park across town to eat it today. And despite my mood, it really did help to just get that change of scenery. And like most problems I have, after wallowing in it for a bit, I decided I needed to DO something. So I spent my entire afternoon researching and ended up booking us an airbnb in the middle of nowhere next week. It looks amazing, it is affordable, it has tons of beautiful open space to explore, AND Annie is allowed to come with us. And best of all, it will go a long way in helping me feel better about giving us all a breath of hope for better days ahead.

Author: Amy Noe

I'm a maker, a writer, a reader, a wife, and a mom. I love pursuing my creative passions!

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