It’s been a rough week, guys. The middle of August always hits me hard. I’m SO worn down by summer and having kids around all the time and just plain never being able to do all the things I want to do because eight zillion other things are always popping up and need to be dealt with first. I don’t have a lot of regrets about this summer, the way I usually do – we kept pretty busy and did a lot of stuff. But it still feels like we didn’t quite do enough. Or maybe enough of what we really wanted to do. I want to be excited for fall BECAUSE I AM, but I also feel guilty wishing these months with my kids away, so I try really hard never to think about it until I actually flip the calendar over to September. I wanted to give myself a lot of grace this month, not expecting too much productivity, but focusing instead on family and memory making and reading and resting. But it’s honestly kind of freaking me out that August is usually one of my most productive work months and I’ve barely had a minute a day to sit down and get to work. I’ve only had two sales this entire month! That’s awful! I’m stressed out and drained and honestly kind of dreading the remaining two weeks of the summer because we are busier than ever and none of it looks very fun! There’s a whole lot going on in my head and I’m trying to just take it day by day, only focusing on what matters most in that day so I don’t get too overwhelmed. I’m not very good about staying out of my head, though.
Anyway. This past week! It got a little crazy. Monday was spent running errands, cleaning, doing food prep, and trying to get the house ready for Hudson who came over Tuesday morning – Thursday midday. Hudson is mobile now, and into everything, and our house is definitely not baby proofed. So I was trying to think of every possible dangerous situation that could arise and how I could prevent it from happening. It basically kept me up most of Sunday and Monday nights, so I was already off to a bad start with very little sleep.
We picked Hudson up from my mom’s on Tuesday morning and brought him back home where he immediately got acquainted with Annie. Last time he was here he was pretty intimidated by her, but he had no fear this time around! She was definitely the most interesting thing around. Annie was rather fond of him too!
Jack was actually who he was most interested in. Rory made himself pretty scarce those days. I’m not sure Hudson ever even saw him. Right after this picture Jack hissed at Hudson and he was really sad. 🙁
We basically just followed Hudson around for a few hours until he was ready to take a nap. I immediately took a nap too and then woke up and reorganized my coffee area. I used to have all my k-cups in a basket and they always flip top side down, so it was super annoying trying to pick one every day. I like this setup a lot better! I have a bit of a k-cup buying obsession. On this rack of 35, there are no duplicate flavors! I’ve only been a coffee drinker for 10 months now, but it’s become a delightful little afternoon treat.
Hudson slept for three hours – until almost dinner time and my brother told me I better wake him up or he’d never go to bed on time. So we got up and had tacos for dinner, which he loved.
We took him to the pool in the evening, which was fun. He had this exact look on his face the entire time we were there. So solemn! But I guess it was better than being scared of the water! It must have wore him out, though, because he had a snack back at home and then no problems going to bed, just a tiny bit later than normal.
Greg took the day off on Wednesday to spend some time with Hudson too. We all walked to a park in the morning. I wanted to go to the park with the baby playground, but it was already SO hot and humid, so we only made it to the closer park. He loved going up the stairs over and over again, though.
He took a much shorter nap on Wednesday, so no time to really catch up on anything. I was getting a little stressed because in the midst of all this, I had some fun potential Heartstring Annie things come up that I need to majorly prepare for in the coming weeks. It was really hard to be mulling around all these ideas and not be able to DO anything about it yet. Babies that need constant attention are not very conducive to working at home! Even for five minutes. I literally looked away from him three times for only a minute or two, and only because one of the boys was right with him, and all three times he bumped himself on something and got hurt.
On Wednesday night Greg and his dad and Caden went to go see a Lord of the Rings showing at the theater. So I put Shepard in front of a youtube video while I tried to get Hudson to go to sleep. I kept putting it off to try and get close to his actual bedtime even though he had a short early nap and was obviously very tired, but I think that was our downfall. He was so worked up and took a very, very long time to settle down and sleep. Once it finally happened I sent Shepard to bed and then I watched The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society on netflix. It felt so good to finally have a tiny bit of time to myself to watch that movie because I was dying to since the minute I first heard about it!
Thursday morning was more of the same, except with Greg not around to help out. The boys were definitely over helping by then. I had to let Annie out front on her chain to go to the bathroom and while I was not supervising her, she apparently found a new burr bush in our front yard and got trapped in it. Her entire body was COVERED in matted burrs. It was a nightmare. I gave up pretty quickly on trying to pull them out and just got out the scissors. At least she actually realized she needed help and was fairly cooperative. Normally she fights any time of grooming like crazy. Now she looks more raggedy than ever!
My mom came back to pick Hudson up around lunchtime. I know it sounds like I was complaining, but I’m really glad we got to have these memories with him. It was just exhausting! It would have been better if we had a smaller, safer area to enclose him in! It was really fun to spend time with him, though. I especially liked how when he was tired or sad or hurt he always came to me for cuddles. It’s been a very, very, VERY long time since my kids preferred me to Greg. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed that.
I was supposed to have a craft night on Thursday night but I cancelled. I just couldn’t deal with needing to clean up and be social all night. I did, however, still work all night. I need to get back on top of everything!! I’m not sure how it will all play out, but I was asked to donate a book themed doll to this 3000+ member facebook book club I’m in, for a fall readathon in the middle of September. And in exchange they will promote Heartstring Annie. So in preparation for that, I need to make a lot of book themed dolls! But my regular customers are anxiously awaiting fall themed dolls and I also need to get moving on that. I love when my head is so full of new ideas, but my hands can never keep up! It stresses me out.
I worked all day on Friday. Greg worked from home. The boys played with their friends. Then they went to the county fair with Greg’s parents and we went on a date. We finally made it to Cercis to try out their pizza. And…we were disappointed. I was SO hoping they’d have this amazing food and we could finally have a local regular date night place when we want to do something special, but don’t have time or energy to head to Madison. Unfortunately, their pizza tasted exactly like a frozen pizza to me, at triple the cost. I love the restaurant’s atmosphere, so I hope they expand their menu in the future. At any rate, it was still good to have a date!
We picked up Annie afterward and went to the dog park, which we’ve been neglecting to do all summer because Greg takes Annie on so many pokemon walks she’s still getting a lot of exercise. It was still too buggy there. It’s really the only place I even notice how bad the bugs are anymore. Which stinks! Annie did get some good play time in, though, and we had a nice conversation with a super friendly dog owner.
Saturday was kind of a crappy day. I worked all morning and in the afternoon we went to my brother Timmy’s birthday/going away party in Madison with my parents and Brittany’s family.
I got in my final selfie with Hudson.
Timmy and all his nieces and nephews with his favorite ice cream cake dessert.
I was in a pretty terrible mood at the party. I am just so sad that I won’t be able to see Hudson grow up through all the little everyday moments. I’m devastated my kids won’t have the kind of relationship with their only cousin that we spent the last year thinking they’d have. And the relationship they have with their uncle and aunt that they are always SO excited to hang out with. I’m mourning the loss of the sibling adult friendships Greg and I were so happy to have found and thought we’d be able to keep nurturing through regularly spending time together. And I am so hurt by how easily they dismissed the value of their entire family and all their friends being a constant physical presence in their lives, and Hudson’s.
But the truth is, it’s not about me. I’m sure I was not a big factor in this life altering decision and I have to stop taking it so personally. They believe this is the best thing for their nuclear family and we have to accept and respect that. It’s just unfortunate how the entire thing came about and how many things were said between everyone that leave me feeling that irreparable damage has been done to our relationships. I just wish so badly it hadn’t happened the way it did. But it did. And life just has to go on. Hopefully they’ll keep their promise to share things and keep us involved in Hudson’s life. None of our siblings really share anything – ever – though (whereas my life is a very open book to anybody who happens to care enough to check my blog out every weekend!!), so I’m not holding out a ton of hope.
On the way home from the party Greg and I got into a stupid fight. I know this isn’t what he meant when he said what he did, but it came out sounding like I have all the time in the world to do annoying errands and he doesn’t because he’s the one who has a real job. Want to know a surefire way to hurt me deeply, then piss me off, then motivate me to work harder than ever? Imply that I’m not doing enough. Just elude to the idea that I have total control over my time, when in reality I spend probably 60% of my life doing things for my family that I definitely do not always want to be doing. Anyway. That was just the icing on the cake with how yesterday went for me emotionally. I was heartbroken after saying goodbye to Hudson, I was so hurt by what Greg said, and I’m still so stressed about work and dreading the next few weeks and knowing it’s not even going to get better in September because life is INSANE in September with start of school hiccups, mini vacations, so many birthday related things for Caden, and Cranberry Fest adventures. September is so much fun, but it can only be fun if I do the prep work in August to make it feasible. And trust me, that prep work has NOT happened yet and with how busy the calendar is I don’t know how it’s going to get done. Anyway, I had a terrible time sleeping again. This whole week has just done me in.
So today I woke up with my newfound determination to spend every possible minute being productive. Which unfortunately meant only spending a whopping 45 minutes working on my dolls because there were a million other things that needed to be done first. I made lists and did all my errand running, changed sheets and did a bunch of laundry, and cooked a bunch of food. Greg was very productive today too with mowing and cleaning and clearing out the garage so he can start parking in it again once our new neighbors move in later this week.
Well, a fresh start and new week ahead. Two more weeks. I can do it. I’m just kind of bummed out that all these not so thrilling things were somehow saved for these final two weeks. The cats have a vet appointment which I’m not expecting to go very well (Jack is still losing weight and drinking water constantly), Greg has a minor surgery with an unpredictable recovery time, Caden has his last therapy appointment (because the therapist is leaving the clinic, not because we’re choosing to end with him – all that work and back to square one), and I have my annual exam. 😛
I’m mildly considering taking the boys to that Dolphin’s Cove swimming place tomorrow, but I’m also kind of hoping they just forget about it. It feels like a lot of work going there. We’ll see how I feel in the morning. I ran my errands today so I’d have the availability to take them tomorrow if that’s what we decide. I’m also taking Shepard on a dinner date to Mod Pizza, something he said he really wanted to do before summer ended. With that in mind, I should probably try and find something I can do with Caden in the next two weeks too! Later tomorrow night he’s going to the second Lord of the Rings movie, and the third one next Monday.
Tuesday is the vet appointment. And then just a work day! I was vaguely considering checking out the Friends of the Library monthly meeting Tuesday night – just something that’s kind of been on my mind lately. I love books so much, maybe it would be fun to be around more bookish people. But maybe I would hate it because it sounds like a lot of fundraising. Which was not something I enjoyed too much when I was the fundraising chairperson on the preschool board. I think I have too much going on right now to deal with a new thing. Maybe next month.
And Wednesday is Greg’s surgery, so the day will be spent with him. My mom is taking the boys for a few days, so we don’t have to worry about that. Depending on his recovery, maybe I can get a lot of work done on Thursday. And on Friday after my mom brings them back we’re going to go to a new dog park about an hour away for the day. And Saturday we have a family gathering in Oshkosh. Busy busy!!
Well, I think that’s enough for now! I’m really dropping the ball on my daily blog posts, but everything has just been too overwhelming. Soon. I hope. 🙂