Saturday Reflections 05.26.2018

Well, I was expecting to have tons of great news and excitement to share this weekend. But I’m really kind of bummed out about how the week went. It was very emotional and exhausting. When things start winding down at the end of the school year emotions are always out of whack. Combined with all this ankle stuff, feeling like I didn’t get nearly enough time to myself or things done in the last few months, plus just stressing out about summer – I’m kind of a wreck right now. So I’ll try to keep this brief today. For real this time!

Monday was another personal achievement day – I went to both Target and Costco on my own. I celebrated by getting lunch at Chipotle. It was delicious!

Tuesday was a work day. We had our second therapy appointment with Caden in the evening. It seemed to go pretty well. At least a ton more promising than the last lady.

Wednesday was the big day – 12 weeks post op, and getting the all clear to ditch my boot. I wrote all about my journey and what I learned in the last twelve weeks in my last post. I was really excited that I don’t need the boot anymore. But in the moment I was really upset to hear I need to wear an ankle brace for the rest of the year. I also had to order it, so I couldn’t really do much until I had it. My original plan was to celebrate on Thursday by going to a bunch of stores I’ve sorely missed, but I had to cancel those plans. I did pay for one day shipping, so I really only had to go like 15 hours between boot and brace. But still. I wasn’t expecting the news about a brace at all, so I didn’t really experience all the joy I was anticipating.

I had a date planned with Caden for Wednesday night. On our first night of therapy he told all of us that the only thing he likes doing with me is going to restaurants. In the past, I’ve tried to keep monthly date nights with each kid, usually on the day of the month that their birthday would be, just so I always remember. I was never very consistent about doing it because it’s really hard to tear the boys away from Daddy. And it makes me feel pretty crummy to have to beg and bribe my own child to spend an hour with me – doing something that’s fun and tasty to begin with! Anyway, I asked Caden if he’d go with me. He said no. I asked him again after school. He said no. I told him how much it meant to me. He said no. I asked him again around dinnertime. He said no and ran back outside to his friends. Shepard was in the house getting a drink and finally noticed I wasn’t wearing my boot. He started jumping up and down and cheering for me. I asked if he wanted to go to Mullin’s with me for dinner. He said, “YES! Right now?! YES!!!” So we went. And when we drove down the street, past Caden, he saw us and started crying. And I felt like I crushed yet another tender thread that holds our relationship together. But I gave him SO MANY chances. And he said no.

Mullin’s was fine with Shepard. Except one of his friends showed up right after we got there and he spent most of the time in the grass playing with her. He’d run back by me to take a bite and sip and then run back to his friend. He had fun while I pretty much just sat there alone listening to the most obnoxious family sitting right behind me. It was a pretty disappointing day all around.

I had my first non-boot PT on Thursday morning. It was brutal!! We worked on all kinds of different walking and balancing exercises. It was fun doing new things and made me happy that she seemed very impressed with how well I was doing. But by the end I was SO sore. I just barely managed to limp my way back to the car. Then I wasn’t sure what to do, because I really wanted to go to Walmart. I had brought my boot with me for the extra stability and decided to just go for it. I have so few days left where I can shop without kids! I did it, but needless to say, I was extremely sore by the time I got home.

My new brace came that afternoon. And…. I hate it. It feels okay until I have to wrap the outer elastic band around the whole ankle. The elastic is so tight that I have to pull really hard to even get it around. My ankle must be too fat. Plus it’s swollen, all the time. I hate it so, so much. Receiving the brace also coincided with the weather hitting the 90’s, when having to wear just shoes and socks all the time is miserable! Add the brace and I feel like my entire body is suffocating. After wearing it an hour, my ankle was hurting about ten times worse than it did a week or two ago. Which doesn’t seem like it should be happening!!! Anyway, I don’t know what to do. I’ll give it more time because I have to. But I’m probably not going to wear it as much around the house, even though I feel really weak yet. I’m trying to remember that I’ve also only been 100% FWB at all times since Wednesday. Three days. So it makes sense that I’m this sore in general. But the brace seems to be making it infinitely worse. And it sucks. 🙁

Friday was a pretty laid back day. I did a lot of work and some cooking and cleaning. Took a long nap. I’ve actually been taking long naps every afternoon. Trying to revel in them before I lose the chance with my kids home all summer! That’s my favorite part of the day.

On Friday night Caden went to a birthday party at Sky Zone. Greg and Shepard had some good bonding time and Caden got to spend some more time with his friends. Oh, I forgot to mention this earlier. I think it was one of the reasons he wouldn’t go with me to dinner. Earlier that day his class toured the fourth grade classrooms – at the middle school. I think it finally hit him how different next year is going to be. He’s been with the same group of kids for the last four years and now they’re going to be split up. He’s going from a year of multiple field trips a week to outdoor locations to suddenly being in a traditional classroom for the first time in his life. I’m praying he’ll be put in a class with one of his best friends. Though he’s also upset because two of his good friends are switching schools. It’s going to be hard on him. I’ve been pretty emotional about it all too. The end of an era. Fourth grade is too young to be in middle school! Though because we’re running out of room in our buildings, the third grade is moving to the middle school in fall too. So Caden won’t even have to deal with being the youngest grade in the building. I’m sure he’ll adjust quickly and he’s always good at making new friends. But I know we’re all in for a rough ride.

Anyway, that was my week. My ankle is still very sore this morning. I have a horrible headache. And we’re off for a full day at Cedar Lake, followed by a double dinner and movie date with Timmy and Brittany for Greg’s belated birthday celebration tonight. Busy busy! Hopefully I’ll be a lot more pepped up and positive in tomorrow’s post.

Author: Amy Noe

I'm a maker, a writer, a reader, a wife, and a mom. I love pursuing my creative passions!

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