Today is one of those days where the battle is REAL trying to figure out where and how to split my time. There are just SO. MANY. THINGS. to do. Necessary things, fun things, work things, family things, food things. It’s exhausting. And so overwhelming.
I thought today was strictly going to be a workday. The one day this week I didn’t have anything else going on and thought I’d be able to focus and power through. Well. We ended up keeping the boys home from school. They’re not sick. But everyone at school is sick. Caden had seven kids out yesterday. That’s a lot! His teacher sent an email out saying she planned to do a deep clean of the classroom – over the weekend. The boys are going to the Dells this weekend and it just didn’t seem worth it to send them back to school in a cesspool of germs. (There’s no school tomorrow.) Especially since she said so many kids were out she wasn’t even continuing her lesson plans for the week. Anyway, I think it was probably the right decision in this situation. But it definitely made my day a whole lot more chaotic.
Just trying to balance out my own lists while constantly arguing and negotiating video game terms with them all day long has been such a drain. I did get four sporadic hours of work in. I fed them lunch and made a nice dinner. We went to the dog park for about an hour. What I didn’t do – fold the baskets and baskets of laundry that just get bigger every day. I didn’t wrap up a doll order and bring it to the post office. I didn’t make the dessert I wanted to make. I haven’t done my daily yoga video yet. I haven’t decorated the house for Valentine’s Day like I’ve wanted to do all week. I haven’t read any of my nonfiction books I’m supposed to be chipping away at every day. I haven’t practiced any sort of self care. There’s just always SO MANY THINGS!
I have a friend who posted on facebook a while ago about how bored she is all the time. Honestly, the statement made me really angry. Bored?! Seriously?! The one thing I NEVER am is bored. I have a mile long list of things that I need to be doing all the time. I have an even longer list of things I want to be doing when I can take a break from things that need doing. And even though all the mundane tasks can BE boring, that’s what podcasts and music are for! It blows my mind that anyone can actually be bored. Though perhaps it’s also a quality that I’m slightly jealous of. If I wasn’t CONSTANTLY thinking of all the stuff I don’t have enough time to do, maybe I’d be a happier person.
Anyway, I just needed to vent about that for a few minutes. (Self care – check!) I wish I were so much better about letting things go. I’m thankful for all the creative and fun things I want to do. I’m glad I’m never bored. But I also wish finding a balance didn’t always seem to come at such a high price. Some days it feels like no matter what, I lose.