Well, I took a week off from thinking about my intentions and I’ve ended that week feeling supremely frustrated and annoyed with myself and my inability to get anything done. Which isn’t exactly true because I’ve still been working on other things, but I’ve also wasted a lot of time doing nothing. I really need a clear cut plan for myself if I want to go to bed every night feeling like I’ve done enough. When I don’t have that plan in place, I usually end up riddled with anxiety and disappointment in myself. I really want to get away from attaching my worth to how much stuff I GOT DONE, but I’m not there yet.
This Week’s Focus: Sew More
Two weeks ago I was on a sewing roll. I put out 16 new dolls in a week’s time, which is really good for me. And I sold almost all of them immediately, which is a really great motivator to keep going! I was prioritizing it during my day, but also working on it more than I should have at night and on the weekend. But I’ve been so anxious to re-establish myself as a consistent creator. Which in turn led to a little bit of burn out, after only a week. It also meant that after five days of no new creations, I’ve had customers asking me what’s going on and if I’m making more. It’s really hard to keep everybody happy and still live the life I’m hoping to carve out for myself. I never expected working at home could be so challenging. Anyway, my plan for the week is to sew more than I did last week! I want to put in a solid couple of hours every day, which hopefully means maybe two batches of dolls to keep my customers happy and some money flowing in.
Also a Top Priority: Mental Health
I feel like I’ve been all over the place emotionally lately. I’ve been feeling very insecure, sad, stressed out, frustrated, and a little bit crazy. I’ve been hiding out from people and just trying to deal, all while feeling like a lunatic half the time – at least in the world that lives inside my head. I usually draw into myself when I feel like this, which leaves very little left to give my family and my friends. Silence and solitude are my best escape mechanisms.
Today I’ve felt myself on the brink of completely losing it all day long. I told Greg I was going to sew all weekend. He told me he was going to work in the basement all weekend. Neither of us were doing ANYTHING to make progress on those goals and I thought I was going to seriously explode if I didn’t sit down at my sewing machine immediately and get started. I hate feeling like this. But I’ve felt myself just sitting on the edge of explosion all week long, and I need to figure out how to move past it.
I think the best thing I can for myself is figuring out how to fit in daily exercise. When I was walking every day – even just to and from school in the mornings and afternoons – I felt so much healthier mentally. The cold weather and icy sidewalks have really put a halt to that habit. But I can’t give up completely. As much as I hate it, I need to find things I can do at home when the weather outside sucks. I also just need to be better in tune to what I can do in the moment to make myself happier and actually do it. Today that meant sitting at my sewing machine and getting to work. Earlier this week it meant going to the theater to see a movie to escape my reality for awhile. Oftentimes it means reading for half an hour or connecting with a friend. I need to be my own caretaker and realize what I need before I get to the point of explosion. I want my mental health to take be a higher priority in my daily life.
Monday – Herb Crusted Pork Chops
Tuesday – Chicken Curry
Wednesday – Waffles and Bacon
Thursday – Leftovers
Friday – BBQ Pizza