No, we’re not going to try for a girl. Please stop asking.


I wish I could tell you how many times people have seen me with my kids and asked me if we are trying for a girl. It seems like the questions from total strangers have started to taper off the older my current children get, but I still have inquiries from family and friends, most of whom I’ve already vehemently told we are done. I understand the natural curiosity people have. I certainly have it too, though I try not to actually ask in fear I’m being as rude as sometimes people seem to me. But the comments and pushes I still get despite my standard answer are what bother me the most. Yesterday at the dentist, totally out of the blue, the hygienist asked me if we were going to try to have a girl. I said my standard “Nope, we’re done.” She went on to tell me that Shepard is still practically a baby and she bets I’ll change my mind someday and there’s still plenty of time to try for that girl. It didn’t seem worth responding to at the time. It’s none of her business, sure, but it also just ticked me off that she, as well as many people, couldn’t just accept that yes, yes, we are DONE.

To be honest, Greg and I always assumed we’d have a daughter. We had our daughter’s name picked out before we were married and just took it for granted that obviously she’d be part of our lives someday. With my first ultrasound there were a lot of mixed emotions and a little disappointment. With my second ultrasound, knowing we were only going to have two kids, I had a harder time. I definitely went through a little mourning period knowing our daughter would never come to be. But by the time Shepard was named in my belly, he was the absolute best final addition to our lives and now I can’t imagine anything differently. Sure, I’ve had twinges of sadness over the years that I’ll never have a little girl to do girly things with, a daughter to take shopping with me, an adult daughter to be my friend. But for the most part, like 99% of me, I am totally good with only having boys.

Being a boy mom is pretty great. My kids are the best of friends and do everything together. EVERYTHING. I have a hard time believing their bond would still be that strong if one of them were a girl. They’re wild and loud and messy. They are so physically active and boisterous all the time. Nothing makes me happier than watching them play together or watching them do “man things” with Daddy every night and weekend. I do sometimes feel slightly left out, though I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that they’re boys. They just really love doing things (video games!) that I have almost no interest or knowledge in. But they still ask me to show them how to sew, they like baking things with me, they pick me flowers and bring me presents of things they’ve found outside. God definitely knew what He was doing giving us two boys and I don’t wish for a second that anything was different.

As for the fact that we “only” have two kids? Guys, that’s all we can handle. I have the utmost respect for people with three, four, five, or more kids. Every couple makes their own decisions and every family has their own dynamic. But Greg and I? Two is our limit. Caden is high maintenance. Shepard has a wicked stubborn streak. Every night we’re facing some giant battle with one of them and we often feel overwhelmed and out of control. I honestly don’t think we’d survive more than two kids. We love that we can take them one on one whenever they need a break from each other. Nobody is left out, nobody is forgotten or lumped together. They get the undivided attention of just Mom or Dad on a daily basis. I often grew up thinking that the standard family of four was so boring. Now I kind of love it. We were able to buy a house this year and my kids can have their own rooms. We can get away with only owning cars. We fit into all those family of four deals and specials offered everywhere. We can divide and conquer every time we go somewhere as a family. Two is awesome for us. Two is our perfect number.

I feel like this really isn’t anybody’s business, but I’ve started needing to just spit it out left and right the way people continue to question our family choices. Greg had a vasectomy last year and it was the best decision we ever made. He’s been ready for it for years and I finally came to terms with it. It took me a couple of months to get used to the decision and I still cried the day I dropped him off at the doctor. But the second it was done? I was so relieved. We both were. I love the fact that we are done. I love that the slight hesitation and constant what ifs? have been eliminated from my thought process. It’s no longer an option to have that girl and we are okay. Our family is complete and nothing could make me happier.



Author: Amy Noe

I'm a maker, a writer, a reader, a wife, and a mom. I love pursuing my creative passions!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *